Another Day, Another Cell - Short Affair - May 28th

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

Prompts - Window / Green
Word Count - 457

This story is basically an exercise in making myself write something. I have many plots in my head, but the ability to form them into words is still proving difficult. I know this isn't a great piece (which is why I'm posting it here, under the cut). I'm invitng constructive critism.


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Opening his eyes, Illya became immediately aware of stone walls and steel bars. The last thing he remembered was splitting up from Napoleon, and breaking into the small Thrush outpost, just before being enveloped in a green gas. As was often the case with any Thrush concoction, Illya was left with a sickening headache. He tended to react badly to drugs, which an U.N.C.L.E. medic had postulated was a result of chronic malnourishment in childhood, leading to a compromised immune system. Illya himself put it down to the universe having it in for him.

As he pulled himself into a sitting position, on the filthy cot, he checked for his communicator but, unsurprisingly, he had been relieved of it. He’d also been divested of anything he could use to mount an escape attempt. His only option was to wait. Hopefully, his partner would come for him before his captor. Not that he was going to sit idle.

Carefully, Illya climbed to his feet and waited for the room to stop spinning and his stomach to settle down. When he was ready he gave the cell the once over. It didn’t take long. Other than the cot, there was no furniture. In one corner was a drainage hole, which Illya assumed was for body function. The light for the room came from a barred, glassless window high up on the all opposite the barred doorway. It was big enough for him to get through, if only his explosive putty hadn’t been taken from him. Inspection complete, Illya sat down again.

“If I had a ruble for every cell I’d been locked into, I would be a very rich man,” he muttered.

“Careful Tovarisch, your avarice is showing.”

Illya’s head snapped towards the window, where he saw Napoleon grinning down at him.

“Are you going to help me out of here, or are you going to stand there smiling?”

Solo’s grin got wider in response to Illya’s annoyance.

“Fear not, I’ll have these bars out before you can say ‘have you got those bars out yet?’”

Illya would have rolled his eyes if his head hadn’t been pounding so hard. He was embarrassed and frustrated to have been captured once again, and the last thing he needed was his partner’s sense of humour.

While Napoleon dealt with the bars, Illya moved the cot under the window. Within two or three minutes, he was free. Napoleon contacted Mr Waverly to inform him that the mission was a bust, and the two agents headed back to the office.

A short while later, Illya’s captor entered the cell and stared forlornly at the empty room. He had already informed Central of his high profile prisoner and his future suddenly looked very bleak.

.

Comments

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

This wasn't bad at all! It actually has the makings of longer story that you could build around this.

[threecee.livejournal.com]

This is a good character study of Illya's reaction to being captured. It feels realistic to me.
The writing does need some smoothing here and there; you are doing what usually I do and over-explaining some things. The ending is a bit abrupt. I think maybe you should keep the focus on Illya's thoughts and less on the action. I don't know if that makes sense.

[duckys-lady.livejournal.com]

I thought this was very believable -- and as threecee said a good character study.

[pfrye.livejournal.com]

It was good. Liked IK's thoughts. Believable.

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

Plus the nice bit of Napoleon banter. And I must quote: . Illya himself put it down to the universe having it in for him.

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

Thank you :-)
It's the building around part which is still evading me. I'll add this to my pile, LOL.

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

That makes perfect sense, thank you :-)
The abrupt ending was simply because I hit the barrier which has been plaguing me. My ability to write anything just disappeared again. I will keep working at way at this one because I believe it has potential.

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

Thank you :-)

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much :-)

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

Thank you :-)
Poor Illya does seem to suffer more than most. (Usually at the hands of fanfic writers.)

[threecee.livejournal.com]

I hope you will work on it more because it has a lot of potential.