section7mfu | ABC Affair 2019

Once again, as I attempt to catch up, silliness abounds...
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Illya Kuryakin had suffered humiliation on numerous occasions, at the hands of THRUSH most certainly. Nothing, however, compared to the utter and complete humiliation of having to dress up like an American Indian during a recent affair. A black wig and a costume straight out of a movie studio warehouse had not been a convincing disguise, nor had it sufficed to dignify the role with any sort of respect to the intended impersonation.

But here he was again, dressed up with that same indigenous theme. Well, dressed was not quite accurate. He was to infiltrate a group of hoodlums intent on disrupting the parade route of the Mardi Gras celebrations. His costume was that of an American Indian yet again, only sans most of the costume. He wore only a loin cloth and moccasins, topped by an elaborate headdress.

Humiliation was, once again, to accompany the Russian as he prepared to dance the distance to the steady drum beat of an imaginary tribal war cry. As Illya prepared to sneak into the parade route and insert himself into this faux tribe, Napoleon learned of the misinformation that had led to this current situation.

“Ahh, Mister Solo… ‘ A deep breath punctuation Alexander Waverly’s thoughts. Someone would surely be held accountable for this mistake in the initial reports on this affair.

“Please stop Mister Kuryakin from entering the parade route, we have been given false information. He will most certainly find himself in a most unfortunate situation.”

Napoleon puzzled momentarily over that statement.

“Sir? Are we to abort this mission?”

‘Immediately. Do not let him proceed.”

As Illya made his way towards the parade route, he noticed something about the so-called ‘Indians’ that were on their way through the streets, bowing and dancing in response to the crowds that lined the parade route. Musicians in costume played New Orleans style jazz as people cheered and clapped, delighted with the colorful display and sounds.

‘They do not look like any Indians I have ever seen…’ Illya mused to himself over the costumes and the revelers themselves. There was no hiding his own ill conceived costume, and it certainly could not be possible for him to sneak into this group. No amount of his own artistry would provide subterfuge sufficient for stealth.

Napoleon caught up to his partner just as Illya was deciding on his need to get out of the crowd and back into his clothes. The two met in mid-stride, but not before a young woman caught sight of the scantily clad blond Indian.

“Ouch!” Illya turned to see who had dared to…

“Hey sweetie, that’s some costume.” She was a petite redhead with a large assortment of beads around her neck. Illya glared at her long enough for the message to be clearly understood. She backed away, but not without some satisfaction in her actions.

“What was that about?” Napoleon didn’t often see his friend confront a stranger like that. Then again, Illya didn’t often wander city streets looking like that.

“She pinched me. I need to get some clothes on, let’s get out of here.”

The offices of the U.N.C.L.E. in New Orleans were sparse by comparison to the New York Headquarters. Illya was forced to re-enter the building in his costume, what there was of it. Normally not at all reticent about nudity or being scantily clothed, his reaction to this debacle was lacking the usual nonchalance; the day had left its mark, quite literally, on him. Someone was going to pay for this.

Back in New York there was a photograph circulating among the female staff. Thanks to a virtual sisterhood of Kuryakin admirers, and UNCLE technology, the picture of Illya in his costume (replete with headdress), was circulating with accompanying smiles and sighs. If and when the Russian found out about it, more vows of retaliation would ensue. It didn’t scare anyone, nor did it deter the women of New York, most of Europe, Hong Kong and New Delhi. Eventually, it would reach around the globe and be entered into the database of photographs devoted to the top team in all of UNCLE.

It exists to this day, but then you already know that.

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The Indians of Mardis Gras date back to the 18th Century and are all black, dating to the public celebrations by slaves in New Orleans who would gather and play the music of their African roots. The tradition continues today in the elaborate costumed performers that are Mardis Gras Indians. More info, better by far, can be found HERE

ABC Affair 2019 - I Is For Indian

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