"A little payback" for What's my line? challenge

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

"Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!"

That’s what the pilot called out to his three passengers seated in cabin of the private jet.

They were hitting a lot of turbulence and were heading right into a big storm, so big that it couldn’t be avoided.

Illya headed up to the cockpit and verified on the radar the size of the storm.

“Mr. Kuryakin, I suggest you get back to your seat and buckle up.

That plane took a sudden dive, knocking the Russian face first into the wall. As the pilot leveled out the plan, Illya straightened himself; he held his hand to his cheekbone, convinced he was going to have a rather painful bruise.

“As I was saying Mr. Kuryakin…”

“No need to tell me twice Captain.” Illya retreated to his seat, finding Napoleon sitting there livid as his drink had gone flying onto him and his shirt was drenched. He was convinced his silk shirt would be ruined, and this one accounting wouldn’t allow on his expense report. He’d been given a limit...

The third passenger was a lovely THRUSH agent by the name of Antoinette Lovelace.  She wasn’t as well known as Angelique or Serena and felt she was being snubbed by the hierarchy.  She offered herself to UNCLE and all the THRUSH secrets she knew as well.

“Napoleon, I don’t know what Angelique La Chien sees in you! You are such a peacock really,” she droned. Though she was surrendering to UNCLE she had no love for the team of Solo and Kuryakin, but more so Solo.

He took umbrage at that remark. ”Just because I take pride in my appearance does not make me a peacock.”

“Oh really, well you’re worried about a spilled drink when you should be concerned about us crashing. Shouldn’t you be working on a contingency plan if that indeed happens? That’s what I would be doing.”

Illya shrugged his agreement.

Now he remembered why he hadn’t ever made a move on this one; she was annoying, and right now his partner wasn’t helping by agreeing with her.

“Fine, let me show you where the parachutes are located. There’s one for each of us as well as the pilot and copilot. In a cabinet beside them is our life raft should we go down over water, it contains a homing device and emergency water and supplies as well as flashing beacon.”

She suddenly looked disinterested as she began examining her fingernails.”

Napoleon kept going anyway.

“There are even cold water immersion suits suits if the need should arise but since we’re flying over the Caribbean, I don’t think they’ll be necessary. So does that satisfy you as far as preparation is concerned?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest, thinking he’d put her in her place.

“What no...shark repellent?”

Solo looked to his partner, who was hiding his smile.”Don’t say it.”

“I was not going to,”Illya protested, he raised his hands in surrender. He was not about to get involved in this little battle of wills. His partner was on his own.

There was another drop in altitude and it was Napoleon’s turn to go flying. It was so extreme and sudden that he was thrown upwards to the roof of the cabin. He slammed into it for that split second and dropped with a loud thud.

“NAPOLEON!”Illya shouted out as he undid his seatbelt to help him.

“I’m okay I’m okay. Stay there, don’t get up.” Solo moaned as he got up and into his seat with only his dignity injured.

“Looks like they didn’t provide you with a cushioned interior cabin,” Antoinette snickered. “Though you do seem to have enough built in cushioning. Proof of that is the fact you weren’t just hurt.”

Napoleon bit his lip, not wanting to give her any satisfaction that her digs were annoying him as well as the fact that Illya wasn’t really coming to is aide. He looked over at his partner merely sitting there with a smirk on his face.

Apparently she wasn’t one to give up and continued making comments. Finally after not getting any reaction from Solo, she turned to the Russian.

“And you, you’re so skinny that if you went flying in the cabin like your partner...you would have broken your neck. It would be no loss though, as you’re just a worthless Commie...still you’re not quite as stupid as Solo here.

“Pardon me,” Illya turned to her, flashing her with one of his patented blue eyed glares.”Do you ever stop talking? You seem to prattle on and on about the most insignificant things.  Men I am sure do not find that very attractive in a woman.”

Antoinette huffed.” Well I never!”

“That’s pretty obvious,” Napoleon suddenly appeared from behind her, and pulling a length of duct tape from a roll; he put it over her mouth.

Not waiting Illya grabbed her she could do anything other than hit him a few times with balled up fists. He took  her wrists and slapped  handcuffs on each of them, attaching them to the arms of the seat and thereby preventing her from removing the tape on her mouth,  and hitting him any further.

“Don’t worry Miss Lovelace,” Napoleon quipped,” If the plane starts to go down, we’ll try to set you free in time.”

Antoinette attempted to say the word ‘try’ but the tape muffled her voice quite nicely. The slight panic in her eyes was Napoleon’s reward.

“Yes, but if we are able Napoleon,” Kuryakin nodded. “I am hungry...raid the galley.”

“After you tovarisch,” Solo gestured. He followed his partner back to the galley;  Illya took a couple of a ham and swiss sandwiches as well as a piece of fruit, while Solo only opted a small salad.

“A salad, that is all you are eating? Surely her comment about your weight meant nothing to you?” Illya asked.

“I could stand to lose a few pounds, I think.”

“Napoleon you are in good shape. Do not let her remarks concern you. She was merely trying to get under our skin.”

The American turned his head, focusing behind himself. “Does my rear look okay in these pants? I think they’re a little tight,” he whispered.

“Napoleon I am not looking at your zhopa!” Illya blushed. He took a bite of his sandwich before rolling his eyes. “Talk to Del Floria when we get back to New York; he will tell you if they are too tight or not.”

“And you won’t?”

“Not going there my friend,” Illya poured a cup of coffee, taking it back with him to his seat, along with his meal.

Napoleon stood there, grinning from ear to ear. He knew his pants were fine and just wanted to get back at Illya for not coming to the rescue while Antoinette was continuing her verbal assault. It took the tape to spur the Russian into action, but only after she’d begun insulting him.

It was a rare occasion Napoleon could make the usually thick-skinned Russian blush...

Comments

[lindafishes8.livejournal.com]

Too funny! Now I have an image of blushing Illya is stuck in my head. Duck tape? Very MacGyveresque.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

LOL! Thanks! Sadly Duct tape has been used as a gag by many the unsavory type for years, now by the good guys too. "D

Glad you enjoyed the story. Seems like no one is out there today.