Illya Kuryakin's Book of Practical Cats

[avery11.livejournal.com]

Author: Avery11
Genre: Gen
(Apologies, the LJ cut does not work.)

lIlya Kuryakin's Book of Practical Cats

(A bit of silliness, with apologies to T.S.Eliot and Cats.
Cue clarinet solo and start singing.)

Prologue:

Are you crack with a gun? Can you hide on a train?

Can you play a Tibetan, a Yeti or monk?

Have you danced with gorillas, and drunk fine champagne?

Are you still quite good-looking when covered in gunk?

Because UNCLE cats can, and UNCLE cats do.

UNCLE cats do and UNCLE cats would.

UNCLE cats would and UNCLE cats can.

UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.

When you go on a mission, do you dream of success?

Are you tense when you sense there's a THRUSH on your tail?

Can you unscramble clues, locate the Doomsday Machine,

Apply the C4 and escape without fail?

Because UNCLE cats do and UNCLE cats can.

UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.

UNCLE cats do and UNCLE cats can.

UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.

Can you ride on a Learjet to places more distant?

Familiar with Virtue, with Zark and with Love?

Can you play bossa nova on bass viol or oboe,

While wearing a turban or saving a Dove?

Because UNCLE cats can, and UNCLE cats do.

UNCLE cats do and UNCLE cats would.

UNCLE cats would and UNCLE cats can.

UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.

Can you grapple with Strigas, Quadripartite and fungus?

Can you hide in a silo, get stuck in a well?

Will you save Mother Russia, her harvest at Orbesk,

Unmask Harry Beldon, escape from a cell?

UNCLE cats are the kings of the night,

Living a constant adrenaline high,

Volcanoes and cyclones and Pieces of Fate,

They're saving the world before it's too late.

Feline, faithful, fearless and true

To Innocents who

Know that

UNCLE cats do, and UNCLE cats can.

UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.

UNCLE cats do and UNCLE cats can.

UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.

There's a man over there...bushy eyebrows upraised,

As much as to say, “You're three hours overdue!

Do I actually see with my own very eyes,

My pair of crack agents returned to HQ?

Where the devil have you been?

Where the devil have you been?”

*/*/*/

Starring: Ka-boom-arisch as Illya



The Suavemeister as Napoleon

King Waverlyshanks as The Old Man

Comments

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

OMG OMG OMG! This is beyond clever! Thanks for giving me an immense smile! Glad you took a fancy to this picfic!

[avery11.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I felt some laughter was in order after all the stress of the past several months. Glad you enjoyed it.

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

Great! This is just so good! That last verse! It's terrific how you've woven in affairs.

And the photos! And their jellicle names!

Excuse the number of exclamation marks. This really deserves far more.

[avery11.livejournal.com]

Gosh, thanks! I'm trying to ease my way back into writing, and as they say, laughter is the best medicine! I'm happy you liked the result.

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

That's a giant size bottle all right. King Waverlyshank's expression is just perfect!

With thanks, and best wishes.

[svetlanacat4.livejournal.com]

ooooooh! This is an extraordinary morning treat! Brilliant!
Thank you, my friend!

[avery11.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome!

[glennagirl.livejournal.com]

You obviously didn't need an lj cut, because everyone ought to see this. Well done and, might I add... Avery Cats Do ;)

[avery11.livejournal.com]

*snicker* Thank you. It felt great to just LMAO!

[yelizaveta52.livejournal.com]

So very cool. Loved it.

[avery11.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[alynwa.livejournal.com]

This is fabulous! I think it's fair to say that this is my favorite picfic tale ever!

[avery11.livejournal.com]

Wow, thanks very much!

[carabele.livejournal.com]

This really had me giggling! Nicely done.

[avery11.livejournal.com]

Thank you! It felt really good to let the laughter flow again. Glad you enjoyed my little tribute to the guys.

[rosywonder.livejournal.com]

A genius level knowledge of T S Elliot, cats and UNCLE episodes! How absolutely spiffing it all was! I particularly loved the suavemeister - amazing likeness.

[avery11.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I simply could not resist the prompt!

I actually have a few more entries for Illya's Book of Practical Cats, but they're in the beginning stages, not yet fit for publication. I'll tackle them as I'm feeling better.

[rosywonder.livejournal.com]

It's okay at least by me, I've been writing a story for a year now and haven't finished it yet, and now spring seems to have come, and the garden beckons! Still, I am retiring in the summer, so perhaps the greatest things are yet to come!

[avery11.livejournal.com]

Retiring? How wonderful! Congratulations!

[rosywonder.livejournal.com]

Hope that you have found relief for your stress!

[avery11.livejournal.com]

I'm doing better every day, thanks!

[avrovulcan.livejournal.com]

Wonderful, this was sooo good, a very clever response to the prompt.

[avery11.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! It was wonderful fun to write.

[vysila.livejournal.com]

Absolutely awesome response to the prompt. I laughed myself silly, tickled with the cleverness of it all.

Yay, Avery, back in fine form!

[avery11.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you so much! I'm so glad it made you laugh.