Illya Kuryakin's Book of Practical Cats
Mar. 4th, 2013 10:26 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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section7mfuAuthor: Avery11
Genre: Gen
(Apologies, the LJ cut does not work.)
lIlya Kuryakin's Book of Practical Cats
(A bit of silliness, with apologies to T.S.Eliot and Cats.
Cue clarinet solo and start singing.)
Prologue:
Are you crack with a gun? Can you hide on a train?
Can you play a Tibetan, a Yeti or monk?
Have you danced with gorillas, and drunk fine champagne?
Are you still quite good-looking when covered in gunk?
Because UNCLE cats can, and UNCLE cats do.
UNCLE cats do and UNCLE cats would.
UNCLE cats would and UNCLE cats can.
UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.
When you go on a mission, do you dream of success?
Are you tense when you sense there's a THRUSH on your tail?
Can you unscramble clues, locate the Doomsday Machine,
Apply the C4 and escape without fail?
Because UNCLE cats do and UNCLE cats can.
UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.
UNCLE cats do and UNCLE cats can.
UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.
Can you ride on a Learjet to places more distant?
Familiar with Virtue, with Zark and with Love?
Can you play bossa nova on bass viol or oboe,
While wearing a turban or saving a Dove?
Because UNCLE cats can, and UNCLE cats do.
UNCLE cats do and UNCLE cats would.
UNCLE cats would and UNCLE cats can.
UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.
Can you grapple with Strigas, Quadripartite and fungus?
Can you hide in a silo, get stuck in a well?
Will you save Mother Russia, her harvest at Orbesk,
Unmask Harry Beldon, escape from a cell?
UNCLE cats are the kings of the night,
Living a constant adrenaline high,
Volcanoes and cyclones and Pieces of Fate,
They're saving the world before it's too late.
Feline, faithful, fearless and true
To Innocents who
Know that
UNCLE cats do, and UNCLE cats can.
UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.
UNCLE cats do and UNCLE cats can.
UNCLE cats can and UNCLE cats do.
There's a man over there...bushy eyebrows upraised,
As much as to say, “You're three hours overdue!
Do I actually see with my own very eyes,
My pair of crack agents returned to HQ?
Where the devil have you been?
Where the devil have you been?”
*/*/*/
Starring: Ka-boom-arisch as Illya
The Suavemeister as Napoleon
King Waverlyshanks as The Old Man
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Date: 2013-03-05 03:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 11:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 03:47 am (UTC)And the photos! And their jellicle names!
Excuse the number of exclamation marks. This really deserves far more.
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Date: 2013-03-05 11:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 04:01 pm (UTC)With thanks, and best wishes.
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Date: 2013-03-05 04:45 am (UTC)Thank you, my friend!
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Date: 2013-03-05 11:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 04:52 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2013-03-05 11:19 am (UTC)no subject
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Date: 2013-03-05 11:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 05:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 09:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 10:57 pm (UTC)I actually have a few more entries for Illya's Book of Practical Cats, but they're in the beginning stages, not yet fit for publication. I'll tackle them as I'm feeling better.
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Date: 2013-03-06 01:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-06 03:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 09:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 10:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 10:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-05 10:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-06 12:48 am (UTC)Yay, Avery, back in fine form!
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Date: 2013-03-06 01:32 am (UTC)