Walking in Death's Footsteps Part 3 - Non Challenge Fic, conclusion

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Part 1 was here, part 2 was here

Walking in Death's Footsteps Part 3

Illya was careful not to look at Brennan. Paying too much attention to the guard was always suspicious. Guard. He was under guard at headquarters. This was insane; he had given his life to this organisation and now that he had a wish to take it back and end it for himself, they went to the trouble of guarding him to prevent it? Napoleon's idea no doubt. He wasn't angry. Anger required an energy he could no longer find within himself. He was simply – tired.

The clock on the wall told him that it was still four hours till the end of Brennan's shift, but for the past hour Brennan had been shifting uncomfortably in his seat. There was an opportunity here, if he could find a way to take it, and when the nurse came in he softly asked her if she could pour him a glass of water.

“Oh! Certainly,” she said.

The moment the tinkling sound of running water began, Brennan was on his feet. “Uh, do you mind staying with him for a few minutes?” he asked the nurse hastily. “Just until I get back, I won't be long. He's been quiet anyway.”

“Of course,” she said, like it was nothing.

And here was the opportunity. No one was supposed to use the patient bathrooms in medical but patients for infection control reasons, so Brennan would have to walk to the other side of the block. He'd be gone four minutes at least. Still, Illya would need to work fast.

He looked up at the nurse shyly through lowered lashes, projecting unthreatening vulnerability in every line of body language at his disposal. “Excuse me, Emma, isn't it?”

“That's right,” she said, with a smile of pity that made Illya despise himself even more. “Is there something you need, Mr Kuryakin?”

“I wonder if you could loosen these restraints?” he asked earnestly. “They are really very sore and I am having difficulty sleeping from the pain. I am very tired.”

She took a sharp breath. “I really can't do that, Mr Kuryakin,” she said, but with her fine medical instincts, she was checking his wrists and her lips thinned at the sight of the skin he'd scraped away. “These are clearly too tight though,” she agreed. “When Mr Brennan gets back, I'll have a word with him and with the doctor, okay? We want you to be comfortable.”

“Brennan will say no,” he said at once. “He does not care for Soviets. He told me that here in chains and under guard was the only way I should have been permitted in headquarters in the first place.” And that was an unforgivable slur on the character of a man who had been nothing but friendly and professional towards him but then, if Illya were a good person he would not be so eager to die, would he? He twisted away as if in awkward embarrassment, but out of the corner of his eye he could still see her eyes soften. Good. He had her. “Please,” he said intently, offering her a small, crooked smile. “Being restrained like this brings back a lot of unpleasant memories for me. I...I am trying but this is not making it easy.”

“Alright,” she said decidedly. “I'll loosen them, but only a little. And just make sure not to tell anyone, okay?”

“It will be our secret,” he promised truthfully as she slackened the straps. And then, as she turned away to check his chart, it was a matter of a few seconds of agony to pull his wrists through the restraints, and when she turned back he was already unfastening the straps on his feet.

“Wait!” she started, but, he had already grabbed her, covering her mouth in an easy movement.

“Sorry,” he said regretfully. “I really have no wish to get you in trouble, but I'm afraid that neither of us have been left with much choice.” He pulled her over to the supply drawers and managed to cover her mouth and bind her wrists and ankles with surgical tape, before placing her gently in the chair.

And that would be four minutes. He waited behind the door, and the moment Brennan stepped back inside, he rendered him unconscious with a quick, efficient, karate chop to the neck and closed the door neatly behind him so no one would suspect anything was wrong, and then locking it and carefully disabling the lock so that even if they did, he wouldn't be disturbed in time.

Still, he wouldn't have long. It would need to be something fast. He went back to the drawers, dug out a tracheotomy kit and pulled out the sharp scalpel. Perfect. He could feel Emma staring at him, and when he turned, her eyes were frightened and pleading. He sighed. “I am not going to hurt you,” he promised gently.

Now, what would be best? He doubted he would be able to drive this into his chest or skull with sufficient force to achieve instant death, so exsanguination would be his best chance. Wrists would take too long, he suspected, and throat reminded him too much of how his sister had died. A diagonal cut to the femoral artery. That should provide critical levels of bloodloss within five minutes.

He hoped in time Napoleon would forgive him.

*

He was walking towards medical, knowing that he couldn't stay. There was too much work to do for him to be able to sit at Illya's bedside the way he wanted to. But at least, he wanted to check in, and tell Illya that he wasn't alone, even if it felt that way.

Dr Meadows was still on duty. Napoleon nodded to him. “How is he?” he asked, without preamble.

“I'm just going in to check on him,” Meadows said. “Apparently he's been quiet, and he hasn't been vocally expressing any further suicidal thoughts. It could be that the drug does wear off. A psychologist is going to sit with him first thing in the morning.”

He doubted that would do any good if Illya wasn't willing to cooperate. “Don't trust quiet,” he warned. “If he was actually feeling better, he'd be unruly and demanding to be released.”

“I know,” Meadows agreed with a slight smile. “Still, it might be a good sign.”

No. Quiet either meant Illya was brooding or he was planning something. Neither of them were good signs right now.

A sudden thump caught his attention. His head snapped up.

“What was that?” Meadows asked, but Napoleon was already running. He reached the door to Illya's room and tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge. Through the observation window he could see that the bed was empty, and the bedside table knocked over. Beside it, he could just see a pair of high heeled shoes, and a set of shapely ankles bound together, belonging to whoever had just kicked the table over.

No, no, no, no, no.

“Get the key!” Meadows bellowed from behind him.

No time for that. He grabbed the explosive buttons off his shirt sleeve and pressed them against the door. “Cover your eyes,” he ordered sharply, and the second after the bang he was forcing the door open, barely registering the unconscious Section III agent just behind it, nor the frightened nurse lying tied up by a toppled chair, because he could see the pool of blood spreading from behind the bed....

Illya was lying on the floor, a scalpel in his hand, his eyes closed and his face deathly pale. The wound in his thigh was still spurting blood, and that meant that he was still alive, and Napoleon threw himself forwards, grabbing the sheet from the bed, applying pressure, because, God, Illya couldn't die now, Illya couldn't die -

The room was full of people and loud voices, and Dr Meadows was crouched beside him, applying a tourniquet. “Get ready to move him,” he ordered to someone behind him. “Get the OR prepped and get four units of A- ready to transfuse. Napoleon, when I say, move your hands, okay?”

He nodded and watched, almost in a dream, as Illya was bundled away, the medical staff swarming over him. He couldn't help now.

His hands were sticky with warm blood.

Brennan was standing now, helping Emma to her feet. He looked at the pair of them. “What happened?” he asked, barely recognising the sound of his own voice through the ice.

“I...only left the room for a moment,” Brennan faltered. “I had to use the facilities. Oh, God, Mr Solo, I'm sorry. I never...I mean, I'd never have left a prisoner like that, but it was Mr Kuryakin, and he was restrained anyway, and I thought...I mean, I didn't...”

“Right,” Napoleon agreed harshly. “You didn't think. And because of you, an agent might be dying right now. And you!” He turned to Emma. “Were you in the room the whole time? How did he get out of those restraints?”

Her face was almost green. “He said they were hurting him. He just asked me to loosen them a little. I didn't think he'd be able to get out.”

“And you didn't think they were that tight for a reason?” he spat, not caring that the tears were rolling down her cheeks. “You know, as Section II, we're out there risking our lives, but we trust that once we're in medical we're safe. And you - “

“ - Mr Solo, that's quite enough,” Mr Waverly said sternly. He was standing in the doorway, just as he had been yesterday, his eyes fixed on Napoleon. “Go and wait in my office.”

Nothing he'd said was out of line. Nothing he'd said was a lie. He gave a curt nod. “Yes, sir.”

But he didn't go to Waverly's office. Instead, he walked out of headquarters and walked three blocks before stopping at a payphone and making a call to a number he'd never dialled before. The voice that answered was unfamiliar and the message he left was curt. “Tell her to meet me in O'Malley's bar as soon as possible.” He hung up before the questions started.

No one gave him a second glance as he walked into O'Malley's. It was that kind of place. He ordered a whisky, found a seat in the back and waited, soul burning, mind blank. His communicator sounded a couple of times, but he ignored it.

It was a couple of hours before he heard the sound of high heels delicately picking their way across the dirty floor. “This is hardly up to your usual standards for a date, Napoleon darling,” Angelique said as she sat down, fastidiously pulling her fur coat up around her so it didn't touch the table.

“It is discreet,” Napoleon rejoined. “So you got my message.”

“Yes.” She paused. “I didn't realise you knew that number.”

“It's good that we have some secrets from each other,” he said with a twist of a smile. “I imagine you can guess why I wanted to see you.”

She leaned back. “The word is, you dragged your favourite sidekick out of the river yesterday,” she said. “I would have thought you would have been sitting distraught by his bedside. Or is it already too late for that? There's blood on your shirt you know, darling.”

Evenly, he buttoned his jacket. “I need to know where Dr Boothby is.”

She smiled at him, all gleaming teeth. “All business? I really don't care for you in this mood, you know. You could at least take the time to tell me how beautiful I am.”

Of course. He reached across the table and gently caressed her hand. “Ah, Angelique, you know you're always beautiful. And had I the time - “

“ - oh, don't bother,” she said crossly, pulling her hand away. “The last thing I want is you making love to me while you're thinking of him. That would be distasteful for all of us.”

“Angelique, I need to know this,” he said intently.

“You know, THRUSH Central would be very unhappy if I went around telling you things like that,” she said, licking her lips in playful anticipation. It wasn't a no. Not yet.

“But this isn't your scheme,” he pressed, thankful to see that there wasn't the slightest flicker on her face to disagree. “So what do you care about someone else getting ahead in the hierarchy? That just puts you further back.”

“True,” she agreed. “But that's hardly a good enough reason to throw away such a promising weapon. Or to save the life of an UNCLE agent who has been a constant thorn in our side, and doesn't even have the grace to be interesting with it. So.” She eyed him keenly. “What are you willing to trade, darling? Secrets? Prisoners? You have to give me something good.”

“You know I can't give you anything like that,” he said.

“You can't meet with a known THRUSH agent either,” she said with a sharp little laugh. “But here you are.”

He smiled. “Technically, I'm off the clock right now.”

She leaned forwards. “So what are you willing to give me to save your Illya's life?”

“A favour,” he said evenly, gazing at her with open sincerity.

Cat-like, she pounced, clearly delighted at the thought of something she could hold over his head. “Anything I want? No questions asked?”

“No questions,” he confirmed, and they both knew that he would try his best to negate whatever it was she asked, but they both also knew he would do it.

“Oh, well.” She smiled. “I really didn't want to see that old lech Hanson get ahead anyway. Here you go, Napoleon, darling.” She took a piece of paper out of her pocket and passed it across the table and he wasn't at all surprised to see that she'd already written the address out. “When you called, I did some digging. They're making sure Boothby's process can be replicated before they pass the formula on to Central. If you're quick, you should be able to shut the whole thing down and save the day. Do me a favour and put a bullet in Hanson's head, won't you? He was always looking at my legs.”

“I can't say I blame him,” he said with an admiring smile. “Thank you, Angelique.”

She waved a hand dismissively. “I didn't do a thing. But you'll be hearing from me, darling. Soon.”

No doubt. He left the bar quickly, trusting that she would linger for a while before making a move. He didn't think she'd tip Hanson off, but he would need to move quickly anyway.

He put in a call to Mr Waverly as he was heading across down to the address Angelique had given him. “Sir, I've got a location on Boothby,” he said. “I'm heading there now. By the sounds of things, the formula still hasn't been passed on, so if we destroy this lab, that should be an end of the affair.”

“Very good, Mr Solo,” Mr Waverly said, and Napoleon noticed that he didn't ask where the information had come from. “Give me the address and I'll send a team to meet you there.”

He did, and it was only then he forced himself to ask “How is Illya doing?”

“He's stable and out of surgery,” Mr Waverly told him, and he closed his eyes in relief. “He should make a full recovery.”

Provided Napoleon did his job and found a cure.

The address Angelique had given him was a skincare lab in an area of industrial buildings and workshops. Isolated enough and, judging by the number of cars in the parking lot, it couldn't be very heavily staffed or guarded. He scouted around the outside, taking note of the size of it, and other exits, until Louis Framer and Marco White caught up with him.

“Do we know how many are inside?” Marco asked at once.

“Unfortunately not,” he said. “And we need to move quickly. You two head in through the front. Create a distraction at reception. I'll move in through the window at the back and try and locate the lab.”

They nodded. “Of course,” Louis said, and hesitated. “I'm sorry about Illya.”

Not something he could think about right now. He was conscious of the blood still clinging to his shirt. “Yes. Keep in touch, I'll tell you when I'm in.”

He didn't encounter much resistance. A couple of guards who were dispatched after the briefest of fights. The lab was on the second floor, a single guard waiting outside who didn't have the sense to simply surrender and stay out of Napoleon's way. Dr Boothby was waiting inside, a nondescript little man, staring at him nervously. “Wh-who are you?” he asked. “Stay back!”

“Napoleon Solo,” he introduced himself with a smile. “I believe you met my partner yesterday, at the college?”

“Oh, God!” Boothby whimpered. “Hanson!”

Napoleon turned in time to see a burly man in his fifties come barrelling out of a door on the other side of the lab, and he barely had time to fling himself down behind the lab bench before Hanson started shooting.

Careless. He should have made sure they were alone. But the moment he'd seen Boothby, all he'd been able to think was that here was the man who had hurt Illya. He stayed down, counted the shots, and when he knew Hanson must be almost out, he kicked a stool across the floor, taking advantage of the split second when Hanson reacted to the movement, to stand and fire.

He saw Hanson fall and cautiously, approached the body, checking to be certain.

Well. Angelique had wanted him to kill Hanson. Hopefully this would please her.

Boothby had taken refuge under a bench in the back of the room. He was staring at Hanson's body with an expression of abstract terror. Evidently he preferred his death more distant, less visceral. Coldly, Napoleon approached him. “Now,” he said. “What was I saying before we were so rudely interrupted? Ah, yes. I was reminding you of how you used your drug on a very dear friend of mine yesterday.”

“I don't know what you're talking about,” Boothby said robotically, his eyes fixed on the gun in Napoleon's hand.

“That was not the answer I wanted to hear,” Napoleon said, reaching down and dragging him out.

“No!” Boothby cried out fearfully. “You're an UNCLE agent. You're the good guys, you need to take me alive and unharmed. That's how this works.”

He raised an eyebrow and roughly turned Boothby to face Hanson's dead body. “Does that look alive and unharmed to you?” he asked rhetorically. “Sometimes I might have orders to take someone in alive. I can promise you, no one's given me that order regarding you. So really, there's only one reason why I might be persuaded to spare you.”

“Name it! Anything!”

He felt a vague sense of disgust at the crawling. “My friend is still alive, no thanks to you. So I need the cure for whatever you did to him. And I need your formulas.”

“Still alive?” Boothby repeated stupidly, as if the idea had never occurred to him. “But I gave him a quadruple dose....” He blinked up at Napoleon's face and somehow managed to pale even further, evidently recognising that this was not the way to endear himself. “Oh! Of course. I have the counter-agent here...” He dug frantically through a pile of papers before giving up and shoving them all in Napoleon's direction. “Those are all my notes. Everything I have. The counter-agent is in there, I promise. So you see, I'm on your side now.” He smiled ingratiatingly. “So you'll let me go?”

“Letting you go was never an option,” he said, his lip curled. “To my knowledge, you've killed seven people, and there's probably more I don't know about. You're spending the rest of your life in prison.”

“No.” He shook his head rapidly. “No, they killed themselves. I never laid a finger on them. I'm harmless. Harmless!”

He remembered the look in Illya's eyes, the blank, desperate despair with which he'd asked Napoleon to let him die, and with a shiver of revulsion, he raised his gun fractionally.

With a shriek, Boothby grabbed a syringe off the bench and ran towards him, waving it threateningly.

Napoleon shot him three times in the chest.

He exhaled slowly, and stood staring for a moment. He told himself he'd had no choice.

*

He delivered the notes and all the samples he could find to the lab and was relieved at their assurance that they should be able to make up the cure within a few hours. Finally.

Once he'd given a brief, verbal report he headed straight round to medical. Lorrimer was inside the room on guard, and he looked at Napoleon nervously. “Everything's been quiet, Mr Solo. I haven't taken my eyes off him. Not for a second.”

He nodded. “That's fine. I'll take over for now.”

“Of course, sir,” Lorrimer said and Napoleon got the impression he was fighting with the urge to salute.

The restraints were back and there was a couple of IV lines leading into Illya's arm. His shoulders were half turned around, so he was facing away from the door and Napoleon frowned, knowing that must be uncomfortable, and afraid Illya must be hiding something, but it wasn't until he walked round to the other side of the bed that he saw exactly what. There were tears running silently down Illya's cheeks.

He stood for a moment, then he sighed and carefully took some tissue and silently blotted them away.

Illya met his eyes but said nothing.

“Hey,” he said. “It's over. I killed the bad guys. The lab are brewing up some potion to cure you as we speak. Just hang on a few more hours and this will all be just some awful memories, okay?”

“Please, Napoleon,” Illya said in a whisper. “Let me die.”

He took a deep breath. “No,” he said. “Just hang on, okay, partner mine?”

There was a radio lying on top of the cabinet, probably left over from some other agent who'd been in here for a while. He tuned it in until he found a station playing soft jazz, then he sat back down and carefully laid his hand over Illya's. “I'm going to stay right here until you're feeling better,” he told Illya. “I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. So you just keep fighting this and know that I've got your back. Because like it or not, you're my friend and I like having you around.”

There were more tears threatening to fall. He squeezed Illya's fingers lightly.

“Did I ever tell you,” he began with a careful smile. “About the time our unit commander tried to barbecue a general's goat?”

*

It wasn't a sudden realisation that life was wonderful, more of a gradual emerging from a very dark hole when the light was strange and confusing. The darker thoughts seemed to drift away and when he tried to chase them down, their certainty evaporated.

It was disconcerting. Only the sharp pain in his leg told him beyond all doubt that the last few days hadn't been a bad dream. He remembered the solidness of the knife in his hands and the relief and exhilaration at the heat of his blood pouring over his skin, and very quickly decided that those memories should be buried somewhere deep inside him and never, ever thought of again.

He turned his head. Napoleon had stopped talking for the moment, his eyes half closed. He was unshaven and looked exhausted, his chair tipped back against the wall. “I cannot believe they haven't sent you home,” he said loudly.

Napoleon jumped and for an amused moment – and amusement! When had that returned? - Illya was certain he was going to overbalance. “Illya!” His smile was broad.

“Yes,” he agreed. “I am still here and so are you, even though you should clearly be at home.” Not that he wasn't very glad that Napoleon had stayed. Even if he hadn't appreciated it at the time the memories of the times when Napoleon had been there were less massive and frightening than the memory of the times when he'd been alone.

Napoleon shrugged. “I made a nurse cry earlier. I think they're ignoring me.”

“You made a nurse cry?” he repeated and he was about to make some smart remark when he saw Napoleon's smile flicker. “I suspect I don't want to know, do I?”

“No,” Napoleon told him shortly. He leaned forwards. “How are you feeling?”

He considered the question for a second, recognising that he owed Napoleon honesty. “Not fine,” he admitted. “But alive and intent on staying that way.”

“That's a good start,” Napoleon nodded.

“Yes,” he agreed. He hesitated. “I should say thank you. And that I am sorry.”

Napoleon shook his head determinedly. “No. To both. It wasn't you.”

“It felt like me,” he said. “It was like....” All the good things had been twisted beyond recognition and all the bad things had been magnified, and every little thought that haunted him at three o'clock in the morning after an assignment had gone bad had been the absolute and undeniable truth. He shook his head. “No. It does not matter. It wasn't me, it was the drug.” He spoke firmly; it was the truth and the sooner he could come to accept it the better.

Napoleon looked at him, his head tilted to the side. “You want to talk about it?”

“Do you?” he countered. “I remember what you told me about your father, after the river.”

He saw the flicker cross Napoleon's face – regret? Grief? He wasn't sure.

He sighed. “Maybe. Some day. When we have vodka, we are not in a building that is wired for sound, and I am wearing pants.”

“You always have the most absurd stipulations,” Napoleon told him lightly. “I really can't think why I put up with it.”

“Admit it, you would miss having me around,” he said dryly, and he knew immediately it was far too soon for that kind of joke.

“Yes,” Napoleon breathed, and he could hear the raw fear and grief beneath the word.

“I have no intention of going anywhere,” he promised steadily and after a moment Napoleon nodded. “And speaking of which,” he added, shaking the restraints meaningfully. Truthfully, there was a part of him that wanted them to stay – a part of him that was frightened at the memories of what his own mind and hands had done. But he wasn't going to start listening to the fear.

Napoleon nodded again and Illya suspected there was a similar war raging behind his eyes. “I'll go and talk to the doctor,” he said. “Wait there.”

“Funny,” Illya called after him. “Very funny.”

He took a deep breath. He was alive. And that was good.

Comments

Retired therapist's humble opinion

[(Anonymous)]

Deeply moving. Chilling. That was an amazing look into the torment of a mind in deepest depression. The road back at the end was also well done, with Illya happy to be alive but struggling to understand those dark thoughts still so fresh in his memory.

[duckys-lady.livejournal.com]

Wow! This was incredibly believable and well written and intense and . . .

Re: Retired therapist's humble opinion

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you. I know that for reality even the speed of beginning recovery would be shockingly unrealistic, but obviously that's where THRUSH drugs come in. I'm really pleased you found it moving, thank you.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it.

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

The darkness within Illya is so very believable. In times of despair, there is nothing anyone can say or do to persuade you that you're wrong in your thinking. Every bit of negativity is blown out of all proportion. It isn't until the light begins to show again that you realise the darkness is not as bad as you feel it is.

Then there was Napoleon's version of despair, which fuelled his need to find the cure.

I loved this story for so many reasons, most of which I am unable to articulate. Thank you.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you so much - that's pretty much exactly the kind of feeling I was trying to get across from the Illya sections, that complete illogical certainty. I'm glad you liked this one.

[lindafishes8.livejournal.com]

This has got to be your best work of MFU. It's dark but insightful. A window into Illya's world at his lowest point.

Well done. (I had chills)