A Little Inaction - Short Affair, 5th October

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Prompt word - degrade
Prompt colour - red
Word count - 983

A Little Inaction

There were some advantages to sharing an office with Illya, Napoleon had found. Not least that when he was dealing with the unpleasant task of post-mission analysis, the sight of his partner sitting just to their right and fixing them with an unwavering stare had a way of encouraging junior agents to be more forthcoming, no matter how badly they had messed up.

“So you broke into the facility according to plan and without being detected,” he summarised.

“Yes, sir,” Williams agreed, standing ramrod straight, his army background very much in evidence.

“And you are aware your orders were to plan explosives around the lab,” he continued, turning to Leeson to make it clear that no one was getting out of this.

“Yes, sir,” Leeson said.

“But instead, before you even reached the control room, you saw a big, red, shiny button with a sign above it saying 'Self Destruct' in flashing lights, and decided to press it. And at what point did you realise it was a rather obvious trap?”

They both shifted awkwardly. “There wasn't actually any flashing lights,” Leeson dared to say.

“It was a metaphor,” Illya spoke up coldly and Napoleon took note of the way the two jumped. He was sure they hadn't forgotten Illya was there. Possibly they just hadn't expected him to speak. Possibly they were just terrified of him. Napoleon was well aware that of the two of them he was generally considered the nice one, while Illya was...not.

“Here's a tip for you,” he advised pleasantly. “If something seems too easy, it probably is.”

“We didn't know it was a trap,” sir, Williams said defensively.

Napoleon raised an eyebrow. “Well, I would certainly hope that if you'd known it was a trap, you wouldn't have set it off.”

“St Louis,” Illya murmured pointedly.

He shot his partner an exasperated look, reminding him whose side he was supposed to be on. Besides, St Louis had been almost two months ago. The world had moved on, or at least Napoleon had.

“It wouldn't be the first time THRUSH has had a self-destruct system in one of their bases,” Williams pointed out. “It seemed like a perfect opportunity to use their paranoia against them.”

“As nice as it would be, they generally have any self destruct mechanism in a more secure location, and not simply a shiny button that any passing UNCLE agent can press,” Illya said dryly.

“It wasn't a case of you using their paranoia, so much as them using your gullibility,” he added. According to their report, the moment Williams had pressed the button, the alarm system had been triggered, the base had absolutely failed to blow up, and the two had been captured by a legion of guards. “You know if Illya and I hadn't been close enough to mount a rescue, the two of you would likely have been executed.”

“And the facility would have remained in operation,” Illya said, making it clear that he regarded that as a far more serious problem.

“Yes, sir,” Williams said, subdued.

“We'll be more careful in future,” Leeson added.

“See that you are,” Napoleon said seriously, looking at them both in turn. “Or else, eventually, there won't be a future. You both have a lot of potential. Don't waste it.”

They nodded, soberly, and left, closing the office door behind him.

Illya sighed and leaned forwards. “You know, I sometimes feel as though the quality of our recruits has started to degrade,” he said. “Perhaps since we lost Carla Drosten.”

“We didn't lose her, it turned out she'd been a THRUSH double agent all along,” Napoleon pointed out. Hardly the same thing.

“But a very good judge of personnel,” Illya argued.

He laughed. “Are you suggesting we outsource recruitment to THRUSH?”

“Hardly,” Illya huffed. “Their recruits are hardly more competent than ours. A big red button marked 'please don't push'. I don't know whether I feel more embarrassed for them for trying it, or for us that it worked.”

Not anyone's most shining moment, he would admit. “They're young,” he said. “They'll learn. Maybe the problem is that you are getting old, tovarisch.”

Illya glared at him. “I do not think so. And if I were, that would surely make you ancient.”

He smiled. “Ah, but my sunny disposition and active...social life...protects me. You'll be an old man before your time.”

“I suppose that's the only way I'm likely to live to be an old man,” Illya said.

“You see?” He shook his head sadly. “Pessimism prematurely ages you. Your glass is always half empty.”

“I do not believe in half measures,” Illya said seriously. “My glass is either entirely empty or completely full. My concern lies more with the size of the glass and its contents.”

“I don't think that's the point of the saying,” he said slowly.

“Then the saying is stupid,” Illya said, getting to his feet. “Now, I think that we have both been stuck behind our desks too long. What do you say we go down to the gym and spar?”

That did sound like a good idea. He'd been taking care of his CEA duties all day, and it was important, there was no denying that, but sometimes he chafed at the responsibility and the lack of direct action. “Alright,” he agreed. “But try and stay clear of the face this time, alright? I've got a date with Anthea this evening, and I really don't want to turn up with a black eye and a cauliflower ear.”

Illya shrugged. “Then get better at dodging.”

Oh, really. “Well if that's your attitude,” he said, vaguely threatening. He had a feeling he was going to enjoy this. It was good to blow off steam every now and then.