"Moaning and Groaning" for the What's my Line? Challenge

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

What’s My Line prompt: ‘When hell freezes over’

The winds were blowing wildly. shaking the window panes in the old Victorian house like bones rattling on a skeleton. Her moans and groans were helped along as rain pounded mercilessly on her roof and walls.

“It sounds like this place is going to come down around us,” Kuryakin complained. “When will UNCLE start finding better safe houses for their agents to use? Was there any sort of reports on the radio about tornados? It surely sounds like it out there. I do not want to die in one.”

“Ever the fatalist aren’t you tovarisch?” Illya's unusual nervousness at the storm came as a surprise to his partner though Napoleon decided not to rub it in.

“And you are the optimist my friend, so we balance out our partnership very nicely.”

“I do agree with you, this old girl has seen better days and I hope she does hold up.” Napoleon got up, and threw another log on the fire for all the good it was doing. He sniffled, “Illya I think I’m getting sick.”

Solo pulled down the ear flaps on his hat, and wrapped a woolen throw blanket around his shoulders, even though he was wearing his winter coat. “I swear it feels cold enough to snow.”

Illya was also dressed in his wool coat but saw no need to wear a hat. He walked into the small kitchen and a few minutes later he reappeared with two mismatched mugs filled with hot tea.

“Would it be too much to ask for UNCLE to stock their safe houses with a decent tea kettle?” He complained. “I had to boil the water for this in a dented old pot that has seen better days, just like this house.

“I think heat is more important tovarisch,” Napoleon gratefully accepted the tea and promptly sneezed.

“You will be happy to know the stove burners were left on, all two of them, as that is what that is working. It should help warm up the place a little more, that is as long as the propane lasts.”

He disappeared again, bringing back more wood from the kitchen and threw another log on the fire as well.

“That will help too.”

Illya snapped his fingers, suddenly remembering something. “How about some doughnuts to go with your tea?”

“Sounds good.” Napoleon went to get up from the sofa.”

“Stay,”Illya held up his hand. “I will get them, you remain under your blanket and keep warm.”

He came back with a white bakery box in his hands and set it on the coffee table.

Solo flipped it open and a set of plastic dentures began clicking away in the middle of the doughnuts, actually startling him.

“Very funny pal!”

“Well they are from your Acme novelty kit, all items chosen by you, by the way. I assumed the Neato Yakity-Yak talking teeth would amuse you.”

Illya picked them up, giving them an extra wind and set them on the coffee table. They chattered and moved to the edge and promptly fell off, landing on the floor where the spring ran down and they went still.

Napoleon’s communicator called to him; he quickly pulled it out of his pocket and opened it.

“Solo here.”

“It’s Lisa Rogers and I’m sorry to say I have bad news for you. You’ll have to stay put for another two days at least. That’s how long the storm is supposed to last. Mr. Waverly will contact you as soon as we can manage a retrieval. This weather has everything grounded.”

“That bad?”

“Tornados, wild thunder and lightning, hail... been accidents everywhere. It’s crazy out there. Gale force winds are being reported and the rain has caused flooding all over. You should be glad you’re where you are.”

“That’s debatable Lisa,” he sniffled. “Thanks. Out.”

Illya rose, still munching on a chocolate doughnut. “I better turn off the stove as the propane will have to last us.”

“Tovarisch, better go easy on the doughnuts too.”

“Funny Napoleon. Do you think they will ever update this place? It is the third time we have been sent to this safe house and nothing has changed.”

“Illya I think that’ll happen when hell freezes over.”

Kuryakin nodded, supposing his partner was right. Napoleon usually was about these sort of things. He threw yet another another log on the fireplace and watched as the wood began to glow and crackle.

“At least they stocked it with plenty of firewood,” he shrugged. “As well as cans of Campbell’s soup.”

“Thank goodness for small favors,” Napoleon said. "Wait, is there a can opener?"

"If not I can always shoot a can open."

"Smart Russian."

"I try my friend."

Napoleon pulled out a cardboard box from beneath the coffee table containing several games, cards and other such things meant to while away the time.

“Parcheesi? Solo asked.

“That game is best with four players. Are there no chess pieces?”

“You asked me that the last time we were here and the answer is still no. How about checkers?”

”That will do I suppose.”

The house moaned and shook with her aches and pains as she was buffeted by the howling winds, and something hit against the door. Both men drew their guns in an instant, but paused waiting to see if it was an unwanted visitor or the wind.

"Ahh, has to be the storm," Napoleon concluded.

"Good, because I do not want to open that door to find out as I might not be able to close it again."

The board was set on the coffee table and after a few moves Illya studied and studied it.

“No matter how hard you try Kuryakin, it’s still checkers and not chess.”

“But it is a game of strategy,” Illya nodded and finally made his move.

“Yep, going to be a long two days,” Solo mumbled. “Hey when we get bored with this there’s jacks in the novelty case, and pickup sticks too.”

“To use a favorite word of yours, peachy.” Kuryakin was clearly not amused either.

The wind slammed into the house, and somewhere outside they heard a tree go ‘crack.’

“Better a tree than us,”Illya commented.

“Tovarisch, just in case there is a tornado, we grab sofa cushions and head to the walk in closet, got it?”

“I thought the bathtub was the choice in such an instance.”

“Number one, we both wouldn’t fit and it’s along an exterior wall with a window, so not so safe. Number two, in a tornado you go to an interior area of a house, a closet preferably if a basement isn’t available, but the smaller the space the better.”

“Impressive my friend. I have learned something new today. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome...now king me,” Napoleon smiled, looking at the checkerboard.

“You cheated,” Illya calmly said.

“Maybe maybe not. I am after all a spy and capable of devious behavior,” Napoleon then sneezed.

“Bud' zdorov! And I am serious, be healthy please?”

“Well if this place was fit for human habitation, I might be. Pretty much a change of pace huh, me being sick instead of you tovarisch.”

Illya ignored him and started winding up the chattering teeth again and set them on the table.

“Will you stop it with that thing? It’s actually annoying.”

“If you can cheat, I can play with this.”

“Oh boy,” Napoleon would have slapped himself on the forehead but he already had a headache. “Yep, long two days all right…”

Comments

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

Thanks for sharing this evening. More enjoyable for the readers than the agents, one fears. At least they don'r have to worry about litter boxes.

It was a nice touch, Napoleon telling Illya. Let's hope they at least remeber to drop in a few books for next time.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Given you know about the storm I just experienced, then you know that was the inspiration for this story.

Shame you couldn't see the attached you-tube video as it was of those 'wind up novelty teeth.'

[lindafishes8.livejournal.com]

So art imitates life in this case. A follow of your own recent experience with a tornado warning. I like how you personified the hose, making it a female.

The chattering teeth were fun. Kind of matched Solo's chattering teeth.

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

Fun story, though maybe not for them. Being in a rickety house in a storm like that must be terrifying. I get slightly nervous when I hear the roof tiles lift in a strong wind.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

No it was never a tornado warning here, just a very long tornado 'watch'...If there was a tornado i would have gotten in that closet and not come out. lol! With the way the winds were blowing and the horizontal rain, I was half expecting a tornado to touch down. It was a pretty scary storm, worse than some hurricanes I've been through.

Glad you liked how I personified the house. The chattering teeth? I had to have Illya do something to annoy Napoleon, couldn't I?

Thanks for the comment.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Thank you! This was based in part on the storm we had here on Tuesday/Wednesday. It was pretty wild. I heard too many trees come down behind the apartment building, and lots of fire and police sirens all night. At one point I couldn't even open up the front door and barely close it with the way the wind was blowing...not to mention the rain.

I was nervous about the outside cat, but he stayed safe, snug and dry in his cubby...I had it barricaded enough and he was smart enough to stay in it, except when he had to 'go' That's when he got a little wet, but he let me dry him off. chuckle.

[pactnmmt.livejournal.com]

When I was about 10 someone gave my father a set of wind up chattering teeth. He had a sailboat and participated in races. One day we were with him during the race and the boat was becalmed. Since it was a race he couldn't start the engine and he was frustrated (Dad was very type A and intense). At this time one of us brought out the teeth and wound them up over and over again. The last time I saw those teeth they were flying in a wide arc through the air into the waters of Long Island Sound where they sank to their watery grave.


Fun story! I don't think I would want to be hold up in a safe house with those two when they're bored and grumpy.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Wow that's a story! I love when I write something that triggers a memory for reader.

Thanks for the great comment and glad you enjoyed the tale.

The weather conditions were actually based on a storm we went through here on Tues/Wed. Art imitating life.

[glennagirl.livejournal.com]

It makes me cold just reading it ;)

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Ewww, that's good when a story can elicit feeling in the reader. This was definitely art imitating life, as you know.

Thanks for catching up and commenting!