"A Very Smart Russian"- a non-challenge story

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

It was raining like water from a bucket, Illya Kuryakin thought to himself in Russian as he rode rode in his taxi taking him to Del Floria's Tailor Shop. It was three in the morning, the streets were empty and dark except the light from street lamps that gave off a hazy glow.

"Hey mac you know the tailor shop ain't open this time of the morning," the driver said.

"I like to be the first one in line to pick up my shirts," Illya quipped before yawning.

"Geeze they must be some shirts," the cabbie held out his hand for the fare.

Illya paid it, plus a small gratuity though he thought that was ridiculous. Why should anyone be given extra money to do a job they are already being paid to do? It was not like he was given any special service? The taxi merely ferried him from point A to point B. It was in fact an even easier ride this time of the morning, given there was no traffic congestion.

The Russian turned up his black trench coat collar and opened his umbrella. Leaving the taxi, he dashed across the sidewalk to the steps and down them. He waited to open the door until the taxi pulled away.

The sound of the brass bell was a cheery welcome this time of the morning. Another man was at the steam press and gave his acknowledgement to Kuryakin with the usual two shots of steam.

The warmth from the steam felt good as Illya passed it, nodding to the agent who substituted for Del Floria. He knew his face but not his name and reminded himself to look it up on the computer.

Illya stepped into the dressing room, and yawned again as he turned the coat hook. He stood for a second, zoning out as the door opened, and startling himself as he suddenly realized he was staring at the agent sitting at reception.

"Good morning Mr. Kuryakin. Rough night?" She apparently had seen him yawn.

He blinked slowly at her and said nothing as she handed him his badge, but at the last second Illya decided not to be rude.

"Good morning." He could at least say that.

Kuryakin headed straight to the office he shared with Napoleon and as soon as the door opened, it was all he could do to keep himself from laughing at his partner.

"Napoleon I do not want to know how you got in this position, though I can just imagine. No, correct that... I do not want to know just yet."

"Look no snide remarks please? Just help me. I called you because I don't want anyone else to know."

Solo was lying on the floor on his back with his legs wrapped like a pretzel behind his head and his ankles tied together. His arms were handcuffed behind his back. He was helpless as a baby to free himself.

On the floor beside his head was his communicator...how he also managed to get it from his pocket, open and assemble it was also a mystery to the Russian.

All he knew was he received a call from Napoleon at two-thirty in the morning begging him to come to headquarters and help him out of a jam. He wouldn't explain.

Of course Kuryakin answered his partner's call for help. Illya climbed out of his nice cozy bed, got dressed and called a cab after he looked out the window and saw the weather.

Kneeling beside Solo, lllya pulled a knife from his pocket and cut the ropes. Slowly Napoleon lowered his legs with a groan.

"Man that was really beginning to hurt."

"I did not realize you were that flexible my friend," Illya said.

"Tovarisch, I'm not."

Solo couldn't sit up just yet, so he rolled over and let his partner pick the lock on the handcuffs.

Helping Napoleon up to his chair, the Russian sat on the edge of his desk, ready for an explanation.

"Well, what got you into this mess? I think getting me out of my nice warm bed this time of the morning, I deserve an answer."

"You know Mona from Research and Development?"

"Yes the lab assistant with the big…" Illya gestured with his hands.

"Yes that's the one. Well I had a date set with her a few days ago but I sort of mixed up my calendar. Ruby from Communications showed up at Zorba's Restaurant the same time as Mona. I offered to buy them both dinner but neither of them was too happy about that or the situation."

"Oh that is the new Greek place that just opened. How was the food?"

"I wouldn't know; before I knew it the girls got into a cat fight and we all were thrown out of the place."

"And how did this have anything to do with your current predicament?"

"Yeah about that," Napoleon blushed. 'Mona stopped by and we got into a little make up necking and the next thing I knew she got me in the cuffs. Ruby shows up and the two of them well, you saw the position in which you found me. They said they were teaching me a lesson, though I'm not quite sure what that lesson was."

Illya shook his head. "Napoleon, Mr. Waverly is right. Women will be the death of you someday."

"That's probably right, but all I can say is what a way to go? Thanks for coming to my rescue."

"Dare I say I go where I am told and do as I am told, but this time there is a price for coming to your rescue and my continued silence." Illya didn't bat an eye.

Napoleon groaned. "I really hate when you have me at a disadvantage."

"I know, "the Russian finally smiled with a flick of his eyebrows.

"So what do you want?"

"I will let you know. A favor perchance, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...but someday and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me."

"Have you been watching movies about the mob again?"

"Perhaps," Illya snickered.

Comments

[alynwa.livejournal.com]

The visual I got of Napoleon made me wonder: How did he allow them to bend him like that?? Illya's right; women will be the death of him.

Cute story!

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I imagine he thought it was some kinky little sex game maybe. LOL! Yeah, quite a visual huh? At least they left his clothes on him.

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

Thanks for this light fic. I do like Illya's banter with the cab driver, and his asking 'How was the food?'.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Thank you! He's having absolutely no sympathy for Napoleon and his predicament, isn't he? "D

[pfrye.livejournal.com]

A quote from Godfather?

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Yery good! I was wondering who'd pick up on that. Thank you! "D

[lindafishes8.livejournal.com]

Yikes! Napoleon was turned into a human pretzel. I hope Illya comes up with a great payback.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

LOL! Yes he was, but I don't think he learned his lesson. Illya's payback is just being able to dangle the payback over Napoleon's head.

Thanks for the comment!

[glennagirl.livejournal.com]

Funny, and definitely something we'll want to know more about when the payback call is made.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Maybe no actual payback, which he did say might never come. The threat of the comeback hanging over Napoleon's head might be enough for our very clever Russian.

[lilidelafield.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this! I enjoy a good laugh. That was super. I wonder what Kuryakin's payback will be?

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Glad it made you laugh. Kuryakin's payback is...the threat of payback that will always be hanging over Napoleon's head. He'll never know when the Kuryakin can or will strike. Mwaaa haaa haaaa.