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jkkitty.livejournal.comFor the August 20th Short affair challenge, judge, clean, gray
The gray skies did nothing to decrease Illya’s black mood. He couldn’t believe that Waverly refused to intervene on his behalf with the traffic issues he was facing. Sure, it wasn’t related to an assignment UNCLE, but it had been urgent.
“I can’t believe all the charges against you,” Napoleon said while holding back his laughter. “What were they again? Oh, I remember. Running a red light, then a stop sign, before turning the wrong way on a one-way street and doing 80 in a 35 zone. “
“I told you that I believed it was Clark that UNCLE had wanted forever,” Illya mumbled. “Instead of laughing at me, help me think of a way to get out of this mess without jail time. The officer was not impressed with my reason. After all, you are the strategist in our partnership.”
“If you say so, but I don’t suppose he found your excuse believable with your stomach grumbling,” Napoleon snickered.
The glare Napoleon received silence him as they finished the ride to the hearing. Pulling the car into the parking lot Napoleon sat thinking.
“Have you come up with anything?” Illya demanded.
A bright smile appeared on the American’s face.
Shaking his head, the Russian moaned. “I am not going to like the idea, am I?”
“How well can you play the lost little Russian who speaks barely English, and not react to anything I say?”
“Why?” the doubt heard.
“I’m going to be your interpreter to make sure you understand what the judge says,” Napoleon’s expression of glee added to Illya’s already trepidation.
“And?”
“Just leave it to the master. No reason to worry.”
Muttering as he exited the car, “With your help, hopefully, I will only get a few years.”
“Oh, you of little faith, have I ever let you down,” the scowl Illya gave Napoleon shrugging his shoulder. “Let’s go, you don’t want to be late, do you?”
The courtroom was packed with most defendants who were pleading not-guilty with unbelievable reasons why they weren’t guilty. The judge was not amused and gave stiff sentences to them all.
“I’m doomed,” Illya whispered after witnessing the judge’s rulings.
“Never fear, just play along. I have a perfect defense for you.”
“Illya Kuryakin,” called the court clerk.
As the two men reached the stand, the judge looked at them, “Why are there two of you?”
“Napoleon Solo, sir. Illya is my cousin just recently in from Russia,” Napoleon began, “and doesn’t understand or speak much English. I’ll be translating for him.”
“And I suppose he is also innocent of this long list of charge.” The judge waved a pack of papers at the them
“No sir, he admits he made a mistake and is guilty of the charges. But he does have a good rationale for his actions.”
Illya glared at his partner. Napoleon mumbled “Доверьтесь мне (Trust me).”
“Ты собираешься меня повесить, (You are going to get me hung)” Illya mumbled back.
The judge rubbed his forehead, a sure sign of an oncoming headache. “Mr. Solo I have a full calendar; can we get on with this?”
“Sorry sir, As I indicated Mr. Kuryakin has a good explanation for his actions. He believed that he was acting for the safety of the people of New York.” Napoleon continued as the judge groaned. “If I can explain.”
“Oh, I can’t wait. Go ahead,” The judge said sarcastically.
“Mr. Kuryakin was a policeman in Russia, and while driving along, he spotted a man who was an assassin in his country. Being a concerned citizen, he gave chase without concern for his safety.”
“Or the citizen you claim he was trying to protect,” the judge interrupted.
“Although that is true, as you notice his expert driving did not create any hardship on anyone.”
Rubbing his face with frustration, the judge counter, “He was just lucky no one was injured.”
“Catching the criminal was foremost in his thoughts He almost had him when the police officer stopped him. Mr. Kuryakin is sorry for the misunderstanding.”
“If I may ask, what was he going to do with the man if he caught him?”
Napoleon looked at his partner, “внушение? (suggestions)”
“Вы пытаетесь заставить меня бросить в тюрьму на всю жизнь? Вы составили рассказ, вы можете придумать причину, которая не приведет меня в тюрьму на всю жизнь. (Are you trying to get me thrown in prison for life? You made up the story, you can come up with a reason that will not incarcerate me for life.)” Illya shot back.
“Sir, it seems Mr. Kuryakin didn’t think that far ahead as he isn’t aware of the US laws.”
Straighten up the judge addressed Napoleon, “Tell Mr. Kuryakin that is the worse story I ever heard, yet I don’t believe anyone could make up such an outrageous fairytale. I am suspending his license until he completed a driving class and passes it. Once finished, his record will be cleaned of all charges. However, if he does something like this again, I will throw the book at him. Does he understand?”
After Napoleon spoke to his partner, Illya said, “Da.”
Leaving the courthouse, a fuming Russian turned to his partner. “Driving school! I have been driving since I was 12.”
“Well, I sure if you go back and complain to the judge, he’d be willing to change your sentence.”
Illya started toward the driver’s side, but Napoleon stopped him by holding out his hand for the keys.
After slumping into the passenger’s seat and crossing his arms, Illya said, “I suppose I should say thank you for keeping me out of jail.”
“You’re welcome, partner. Just do me a favor. Next time you get a taste for Plyushka at one a.m. from a restaurant across town that closes in fifteen minutes wait until morning. Okay? “
The string of Russian profanity that answered him caused Napoleon to laugh.
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