section7mfu | OK too funny not to jump on the bandwagon...Story Generator~borrowed from Spikesgirl et. al. (Reply)

It all started when our predictably heroic protagonist, Illya Kuryakin, woke up in a fanstic pumpkin patch. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling barely exasperated, Illya Kuryakin hit a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual, it did not). Absolutely thrilled, he realized that his beloved secret formula was missing! Immediately he called his overtly elitist, rich friend, Napoleon Solo. Illya Kuryakin had known Napoleon Solo for (plus or minus) 200,000 years, the majority of which were curious ones. Napoleon Solo was unique. He was congenial though sometimes a little... funny-smelling. Illya Kuryakin called him anyway, for the situation was urgent.

Napoleon Solo picked up to a very mad Illya Kuryakin. Napoleon Solo calmly assured him that most albino cats turn red before mating, yet albino cats usually scandalously panic *after* mating. He had no idea what that meant; he was only concerned with distracting Illya Kuryakin. Why was Napoleon Solo trying to distract Illya Kuryakin? Because he had snuck out from Illya Kuryakin's with the secret formula only ten days prior. It was a electric little secret formula... how could he resist?

It didn't take long before Illya Kuryakin got back to the subject at hand: his secret formula. Napoleon Solo turned red. Relunctantly, Napoleon Solo invited him over, assuring him they'd find the secret formula. Illya Kuryakin grabbed his elephant and disembarked immediately. After hanging up the phone, Napoleon Solo realized that he was in trouble. He had to find a place to hide the secret formula and he had to do it randomly. He figured that if Illya Kuryakin took the Jap Trap, he had take at least two minutes before Illya Kuryakin would get there. But if he took the mercedes benz? Then Napoleon Solo would be ridiculously screwed.

Before he could come up with any reasonable ideas, Napoleon Solo was interrupted by four oafish horses that were lured by his secret formula. Napoleon Solo cringed; 'Not again', he thought. Feeling worried, he aggressively reached for his live hand grenade and randomly stroked every last one of them. Apparently this was an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward the disease-infested jungle, squealing with discontent. He exhaled with relief. That's when he heard the mercedes benz rolling up. It was Illya Kuryakin.

----o0o----

As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unscheduled stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of bananas, so he knew he was running late. With a hasty leap, Illya Kuryakin was out of the mercedes benz and went surreptitiously jaunting toward Napoleon Solo's front door. Meanwhile inside, Napoleon Solo was panicking. Not thinking, he tossed the secret formula into a box of ripened avocados and then slid the box behind his time machine. Napoleon Solo was displeased but at least the secret formula was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Napoleon Solo scandalously purred. With a skillful push, Illya Kuryakin opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some stupid self-righteous ass in a deliciously practical 4-door,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Napoleon Solo assured him. Illya Kuryakin took a seat wonderfully far from where Napoleon Solo had hidden the secret formula. Napoleon Solo cringed trying unsuccessfully to hide his nervousness. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' he blurted. But Illya Kuryakin was distracted. In a tragically predictable turn of events, Napoleon Solo noticed a funny look on Illya Kuryakin's face. Illya slowly opened his mouth to speak.

'...What's that smell?'

Napoleon Solo felt a stabbing pain in his scalp when Kuryakin asked this. In a moment of disbelief, he realized that he had hidden the secret formula right by his oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A pestering look started to form on Illya Kuryakin's face. He turned to notice a box that seemed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's ripened avocados from when she used to have pet venomous koalas. She, uh...dropped 'em by here earlier'. Illya nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Solo could react, Kuryakin skillfully lunged toward the box and opened it. The secret formula was plainly in view.

Illya Kuryakin stared at Napoleon Solo for what what must've been six hours. Absolutely thrilled, Napoleon Solo groped flamboyantly in Illya Kuryakin's direction, clearly desperate. Illya Kuryakin grabbed the secret formula and bolted for the door. It was locked. Napoleon Solo let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't been so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Illya Kuryakin,' he rebuked. Napoleon Solo always had been a little abrasive, so Illya Kuryakin knew that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Napoleon Solo did something crazy, like... start chucking dangerous oil-soaked rags at him or something. Just as zero people expected he gripped his secret formula tightly and made a dash toward the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.

Napoleon Solo looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. The other door was open, you know.' Silence from Illya Kuryakin. 'And to think, I varnished that window frame five days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly he felt a tinge of concern for Illya Kuryakin. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Napoleon Solo walked over to the window and looked down. Illya Kuryakin was gone.

----o0o----

Just yonder, Illya was struggling to make his way through the imaginery desert behind Napoleon Solo's place. Illya Kuryakin had severely hurt his love handle during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack of feral horses suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the secret formula. One by one they latched on to Kuryakin. Already weakened from his injury, Illya yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losing consciousness was a buzzing horde of horses running off with his secret formula.

But then God came down with His intelligent smile and restored Illya Kuryakin's secret formula. Feeling displeased, God smote the horses for their injustice. Then He got in His nappy, busted-out hatchback and zipped away with the fortitude of one million spotted wolf hamsters running from a enormous pack of spotted wolf hamsters. Illya Kuryakin skipped with joy when he saw this. His secret formula was safe. It was a good thing, too, because in five minutes his favorite TV show, Married with Children, was going to come on (followed immediately by 'When South American hissing sloths meet malaria'). Kuryakin was overjoyed. And so, everyone except Napoleon Solo and a few rusty razor blade-toting man-eating capybaras lived blissfully happy, forever after.

*** L337 Story Generator v1.0

*** Forever pwning with earnest.

http://www.the-elite.net/story-generator/