On the Fence - PicFic 11/5

[glennagirl.livejournal.com]

It was supposed to be a friendly encounter, two agents practicing their fencing skills.  I don’t know anything about fencing, but it was impossible to refuse the invitation to watch Solo and Kuryakin take on each other with swords in their hands.  Okay, not swords.  Like I said, I know nothing about this sport except for what I’ve seen in Robin Hood.  But these two … they know their stuff.

I don’t think reporters usually get invited into UNCLE Headquarters, but if your best friend just happens to be Alexander Waverly’s neice, well, that does seem to make just a teensy weensy bit of difference.  Maude Alexander is one lucky girl, because she actually works with these guys.  I know for a fact (and did I mention I’m a reporter?), she’s dated Napoleon Solo.  Nice build, dark brown hair and hazel eyes that make you want to … yeah, well…

And there’s the Russian, the blond.  He’s a cool number, and in that fencing gear he looks so nice and tidy I could … There I go again.  Suffice it to say he’s cute, in a very dangerous sort of way.  Blue eyes don’t get any bluer than Kuryakin’s.

So, like I said, I’m sitting in the peanut gallery with some of the secretaries and a few of the other agents, enjoying the show, when all of a sudden it gets sort of heated.  Solo lunges at Kuryakin in a very menacing manner and before you know it the Russian is sailing through the air like Spiderman, Solo rips off his mask and takes out after him.  He was shouting something but I couldn’t understand it.  I think maybe it was Russian, but whatever it was made Kuryakin laugh, and that just made Solo even more agitated.

By this time they were outside the little area where the sword fight was supposed to take place, (Yeah, okay I know it isn’t a sword fight).  Anyway, now Kuryakin was shouting back and it sounded French to me.  I definitely heard merde, and from what I can remember that’s not good.  He took off his mask and threw it on the floor, and if looks could kill then Solo would have dropped dead on the spot.

Maude was getting a little nervous by now, and that’s when I realized that she was the reason these two were engaged in more than a little fencing.  Maude looked a little sick, and when she turned towards me she started to cry.  I, being a reporter and therefore only interested in the story, decided to drop that persona and try to be supportive of my friend.  I was also trying to imagine what it must feel like to have two men like Solo and Kuryakin carry on a public …ummm… disagreement, about me.  Well, her actually.  You know what I mean.

“Maude, is that what I think it is?”  I tried to be discreet, maybe no one else had figured out what the brawl was about.  She nodded her head, tears welling up in her big brown eyes.  Maude really is a cute girl, and I’ve always envied her just a little.  Me, I’m sort of a tomboy type, blonde and what some  people have called attractive, but not a bombshell like Maude.  No wonder men quarrel over her.

“I told Napoleon it was nothing, but he thinks that Illya …’  C’mon Maude, thinks that Illya what?  Sometimes people just need to spit it out, but then that could be my reporter side talking.  Maude looked again at the two men as they resumed their sword play… Or whatever.  Oh, fencing match.  No masks though, so the expressions were very clear.  A few more people were beginning to sort of mumble and discuss what was going on.

“Illya and I kissed.  Well, mostly I kissed Illya, and Napoleon saw it and for some reason it made him mad. It’s ridiculous, and Uncle Alex would be so upset if he knew.”  That last seemed to be of more importance than any of the rest of this little exhibition.  I wonder how that worked here, dating the boss’s neice.

“So, what you’re telling me Maude, is that you’ve sort of had a relationship with Napoleon, but something else with Kuryakin.”  Maude looked a little sheepish and I wondered if perhaps she was leaving something out of this narrative.

“Mmm… well, you see… Oh drat!  I really like Napoleon, but a girl just has to wonder about that Russian.  He’s so… sigh… Russian.”  Maude’s expression drifted into something slightly ethereal when she said that last.  So, Maude kissed Illya and Napoleon wants to kiss Maude…

Out where the action was taking place a sudden flurry of arms and legs and back and forth… well, it just all looked very serious and suddenly very dangerous.  In spite of Kuryakin’s swiftness and dexterity, Solo suddenly lunged forward and so quickly that I almost couldn’t take it in, he plunged his blade into his opponent.  Kuryakin staggered backwards and then fell to the mat, hesitating slightly on his knees before falling over completely.  He looked dead.
Maude screamed and I swear I thought she was going to faint.  Solo was standing over the body of, as I understood it, his partner.  Maude went running down the steps and onto the mat, falling down beside Kuryakin’s body, sobbing as though she might never stop.  A team of agents cleared the room as people whispered, stunned by what they had seen.  I hung back for as long as possible, intent on staying by my friend’s side and, God help me, determined to get a better look.

As Maude cried and Solo looked on, in walked Alexander Waverly.  I’d heard of him, seen a few pictures at Maude’s apartment, but the presence of the man was alarmingly electric.  He wasn’t a big man, not even impressive, but he had an air about him that spoke of power and something beyond description.  I cringed inwardly at what might come next.

Somehow I was still in the room, even though everyone else had left.  Solo extended his hand to shake Uncle Alex’s while Maude looked up incredulously at the exchange.  Then, and I have to tell you that I almost jumped out of my skin, Kuryakin sat up.  Maude screamed and then turned to Napoleon and slapped him.  Mr. Waverly smiled rather ruefully at his niece and said something that I couldn’t hear.  She hung her head down, like someone who’s just been chastised and is truly sorry.  I couldn't imagine what it might be, but a little bit later, Maude filled me in on the situation.

“I was greedy, Tam.  I wanted Napoleon, but I wanted Illya too, even though he gave me no encouragement whatsoever.  It just didn’t occur to me that, being a gentlemen, he would never date someone who was seeing Napoleon.”  She looked genuinely sorry for what she had provoked, but I had a question.

“So, why the big charade?  Why pretend that they were dueling for real out there?  I don’t quite get that.”  And that was the truth, it was all very melodramatic.  I’m a reporter, I just want real.

“Oh, they wanted to demonstrate to me what could happen between two very intense men when they came up against each other in seeking the affections of the same woman.  Uncle Alex was not pleased with me, and he told them to teach me a lesson I wouldn’t forget.  Let me tell you, I won’t forget this one.”

Maude meant that, and a month later she had met and married the love of her life, gave up working for the U.N.C.L.E. and is now expecting her first child.  Lesson learned.

As for me, Maude introduced me to Solo and Kuryakin, but I’m not ready for men like that.  My boyfriend Andy is just perfect for me, steady and reliable, takes the subway to work and me to the movies on Saturday night.  I’m still a reporter, but ultimately I want to write a book, and I’ve met a few people who might just make an appearance.