Another One of Those Days - Short Affair Challenge

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Short Affair Challenge - Another One of Those Days
Prompt Word - Abyss
Prompt Colour - Pink
Word Count - 998
Note - this is an episode tag for The Mad, Mad Teaparty Affair.

Napoleon was looking forward to a quiet day after the chaos of yesterday. Obviously after everything Mr Hemingway had managed to do, they needed a complete overhaul of headquarters security, not to mention they needed to take another look at recruitment screening, considering a THRUSH infiltrator had managed to rise so far inside UNCLE. For once, he was hoping they'd have some time in the office before their next out-of-town assignment - there was too much to do, and he was already making plans as he made his way in.

Of course, his train of thought was completely derailed when he walked into his office and saw a large fish-tank where no fish-tank should be.

Instinctively he drew his gun and immediately felt foolish - it wasn't as though he expected the fish-tank to start shooting. But nevertheless its sudden appearance was a threat, of sorts...though if anyone was trying to smuggle in a bomb, a fish-tank probably wasn't the most obvious choice. Carefully, he crept closer. Yes. That was definitely a fish-tank, complete with a few weeds waving in the bubbles, cheery pink rocks lining the bottom, and of course, a school of brightly shining fish.

Napoleon bent and took a closer look at the fish. The fish ignored him.

They were guppies, presumably some of the ones extracted from the water supply yesterday. Could this be a last joke from Mr Hemingway? Unlikely; it didn't seem like quite his style. No, this had to be someone else.

Wait a minute here. He was overlooking another likely culprit. Illya's jacket was hanging over the back of his chair, suggesting that Illya was already in and well aware of the new addition to the office.

He heard footsteps approaching and quickly moved so he was standing directly in Illya's path when he opened the door, mug of coffee in hand. "Good morning," he said.

"Oh, good morning, Napoleon," Illya said. "I did not realise you were in, or else I would have picked you up a coffee as well."

"In the hopes of distracting me from the fish-tank?" he asked.

"Don't be ridiculous," Illya said, slipping past him and going to sit at his desk. "I have enough faith in your powers of observation that I would expect you to notice it regardless. As you have."

Napoleon nodded patiently. "Illya, why is there a fish-tank in my office?"

"Our office," Illya corrected him quickly.

"Alright," he conceded. "Why is there a fish-tank in our office?"

Illya sipped his coffee slowly. "To keep the fish in," he said at last.

Briefly, Napoleon considered whether it was possible that yesterday's glimpse into the abyss of insanity - or down the rabbit hole as Kay would put it - could have been all too much for his partner. Perhaps he should suggest that Illya take some vacation time. "Let me guess," he suggested sarcastically. "They followed you home?"

And now Illya was looking at him like he thought Napoleon was the one talking crazy. "They are some of the ones Mr Hemingway put in the water supply. And as they are fish, they are quite incapable of following me anywhere, unless, I suppose, headquarters should chance to flood. Even then, I would think it most unlikely."

Napoleon stared. "You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?"

"Doing what?" Illya asked, innocently.

He took a deep breath. "Illya, what are these fish doing in our office? And I swear, if you say swimming - "

" - I like them," Illya said. "They add life to the place. Don't you think?"

"You can't keep fish in the office," he said.

Illya looked at him coldly. "They are on my side of the office," he said. "I am quite happy to get out the measuring tape and the white paint again to demonstrate, although I would remind you that Miss Ratchett said if we started that again she would review our office allocation."

"No, no," he said quickly, holding his hands up at the thought of Miss Ratchett, the office resource manager who kept muttering darkly about why Section II got all the best spaces despite the fact that they spent half their time out the country. She'd already threatened to reassign them to separate offices. As aggravating as Illya was, Napoleon really didn't want to share an office with anyone else - and not just because some of the alternatives were even worse; Davies seemed to exist in a constant tornado of empty chip bags and candy wrappers, and Gunersson had triggered a biological weapons alert when he'd brought in a particular Scandinavian delicacy. Compared to that, what were a few fish?

Besides, he thought, realising that he'd been staring at them for a while. Watching them like this was quite soothing.

He sighed. "Just make sure they stay on your side, alright?"

"Again, unless the office is flooded - " Illya began.

Napoleon looked at him.

Grudgingly, Illya nodded. "Agreed."

"And make sure the fish are an end of it," he added. "I don't want to come in here tomorrow and find that you've installed a cat and a canary."

"Of course not," Illya agreed. "A cat, a canary and fish would be a very bad combination."

He shook his head and returned to his own desk. "Are you even allowed to keep animals in headquarters?"

"I checked," Illya said. "There are no existing rules against it."

He looked at his partner and shook his head again. He'd be willing to bet that some new rules were going to be drafted that very day, probably right around the time Miss Ratchett learned of this. But that was a problem for later; right now he needed to carry on with the security review. And he should probably add to that the small matter of just how a crazy Russian had managed to bring in a ten gallon fish-tank without anyone noticing.

It was going to be another one of those days, wasn't it?

Comments

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

This was a perfect back and forth banter between the two. Illya at times(especially in season 2 ) could be quite snarky at times with Napoleon. Clever use of the prompts.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Thanks - yeah, I like the snarky.

This one mostly popped into my head because I was watching this episode the other day and Illya appears strangely delighted when the fish are discovered. I have no idea why, but it's probably the happiest he is all episode.

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

Very nicely done! Now he just has to make sure the office cat doesn't come visiting!

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

I imagine they're going to be careful to keep the door shut. And you know, I'd forgotten that there's apparently an office cat. I guess they are allowed to keep animals in the office after all. Ah, well.
Thanks for commenting.

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

No worries! And I think the cat came after the fish, so it may well be that the fish opened the door, as it were. Now I have an odd mental picture of a fish doorman...

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Lol - and also at your icon. And now I'm seeing a delegation standing there going "If Mr Kuryakin is allowed to keep fish, then we want a cat!"

[spikesgirl58.livejournal.com]

And I have a feeling Illya was leading that band! However, he would stand firm at no dogs!

[jkkitty.livejournal.com]

Love how Illya can wind Napoleon up so easily. Security mmmmm exactly how did the tank get in there?????

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Thanks - I like to think that Illya just walked in carrying it and security were just like "Nope. Not even asking. Don't even want to know. He's got a badge for it, and that's all I care about."

[jkkitty.livejournal.com]

With those two it probably better not to ask

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Oh, now I'm imagining some poor, prematurely-jaded Section III agents just trying to get along and ignore how odd their superiors can be.

"You want to pretend that headquarters doesn't exist and that none of us know Mr Solo? Any particular reason why, or are we just screwing with his head today? Eh, never mind, either is good."


"Mr Kuryakin is infiltrating headquarters in order to attack us with a deadly bee weapon....of course he is. Do we employ beekeepers here? Hey, is it too late for me to transfer to Denver?"

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

What a good idea from Illya, and a nice picture for us. I'm sure even Miss Ratchett will agree an aquarium is a Good Thing. (And I'm glad some of the guppies survived)

Loved Illya's answers.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I really wanted to know what they did with those fish. Seemed a bit cruel, really. Oh, and I doubt it. I wound up with a very definite picture of Miss Ratchett while I was writing this, and I doubt she approves of very much at all.

Glad you enjoyed.

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

I love the idea of a fish tank. The banter between the two was perfect; especially Illya's 'I'm foreign, so I don't understand you' act.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you! Yeah, I think he probably takes pleasure in obtuseness. Although really Napoleon has a point, because you just know he's going to need to end up taking care of the fish the next time Illya's hurt.

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

I'm fairly certain there'll be no shortage of volunteers to look after Mr Kuryakin's fish :-)

[glennagirl.livejournal.com]

Utterly charming, especially the aloof attitude of the Russian. Napoleon's response was classic Solo.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I liked the idea of Illya installing the fish tank and then point blank refusing to acknowledge it was in any way odd.

[lindafishes8.livejournal.com]

Wonderfully refreshing. The NS/IK dialogue was spot on. Thanks for this fun fic, I needed it today.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

You're very welcome - glad you liked it!