"The Waverly Solution" ~ a conclusion

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

A conclusion to the storyline begun in the Drabble: “Wedding Traditions” and the Snapshot: “Solo’s Revenge

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Alexander Waverly could take a joke with the best of them, but there were times when he felt jocularity was just inappropriate.

It didn’t take him long to hear about the incident involving Mr. Kuryakin awaking in the Commissary in nothing but his birthday suit, as it were.

Tom Lopaka, the head of Security had been recruited into a prank Solo was pulling on his partner, revenge of sorts for a joke the Russian operative had played on Napoleon at the Old Man’s niece’s wedding.

He knew his men were often tightly wound from their oft times dangerous assignments around the world, and needed to unwind; a little horseplay was tolerated, but this incident was a bit much even for Solo.

If it hadn’t been for the intervention of April Dancer giving Mr. Kuryakin her jacket, the Russian’s embarrassment would have gone further than the Commissary, forcing him into an undignified walk of shame within the hallowed halls of headquarters.

At present three men stood in front of Waverly, holding their hats, metaphorically speaking, in their penitent hands.

“Mr. Lopaka, as the head of Security I would have expected better of you. Be warned that in the future, UNCLE surveillance equipment is to be used for the protection our staff and facility, and used not to provide blackmail material for Mr. Solo. Am I clear on this?

“Yes sir.”

“Don’t let it happen again, now dismissed.” Waverly stood, sucking on the the mouthpiece of his pipe.

“No sir it won’t, and thank you Mr. Waverly.” Lopaka practically scurried out the door, leaving Solo and Kuryakin behind to face the wrath of the Old Man.

“Gentlemen, I do understand the need for letting loose now and then, but this incident here in headquarters simply went too far. Playful pranks are fine on your own time, so keep that in mind for the future.”

“Yes sir, Napoleon said, but Illya simply nodded.

Kuryakin was somewhat perplexed as to why he was being called on the carpet, after all it was he who was the victim of Solo’s revenge; Illya had to admit though, it was brilliant joke and one of Napoleon’s best. His own joke had taken place on his own time, so he was sure he couldn’t be called out for that.

“Now Mr. Solo if I may have the evidence please?”

“Evidence?” Napoleon hesitated.”Oooh, that evidence.” He reached into his pocket, withdrawing the security tape taken of a naked Illya scrambling in the Commissary and contritely handed it to his boss.

Waverly quickly ripped the tape from the reel, tearing it apart and tossing the remnants in a nearby trash receptacle.

“Now, that’s that. As for your penance, I have an assignment for the both of you.”

“Both of us?”Illya asked, though he knew better than to offer any defence on his behalf. Do that and risk even greater ire on Waverly’s part. For what it was worth so far he was being rather subdued regarding the matter. Maybe the assignment would reflect his mood.

“Yes, both of you. You Mr. Kuryakin and Mr. Solo are to babysit Ambassador Svalisson’s daughter. There have been threats made about kidnapping her.”

Waverly threw a folder on the conference table.

“Here are the details. You’ll be sequestered in one of our safe houses until a vote at the U.N. has been cast. Once that happens, the Ambassador can no longer be blackmailed into changing his mind on his decision.”

Three hours later, the partners were in the safe house not far from the United Nations complex as well as headquarters.

“Napoleon why were we not warned of this when we were assigned to watch after the Ambassador’s daughter?”

“Good question,”Napoleon cringed at the sound of the baby in Illya’s arms letting out yet a shriek. It was not quite the daughter that Solo had envisioned.

“Shussh. Vanhempasi tulee pian kotiin (Shussh. Your will parents will be home soon.),”Illya spoke in Finnish, thinking that would help as he paced the floor with her.

“Waaaaaaaaaah!”

“Maybe you’re holding her wrong.”

“Napoleon I had younger siblings if you recall, twin brothers and a sister, so I think I know how to do it.”

“Here, let me try.” Solo took hold of the baby and instantly she began happily cooing and gurgling. She stared up at him with the biggest pair of blue eyes he’d ever seen. She made another face, as if she were concentration hard on something, but at least there was no more crying.

“Me and the ladies... what can I say?” Solo grinned in triumph.

“Napoleon, please she is only an infant! ”

“Hey, when you’ve got it you’ve got it and…”

“Yes, I know. You have it.” Illya rolled his eyes.”There is something else you have, can you not smell her nappie?”

Napoleon gave the air a sniff, suddenly revolted by the odor. She was, as they say, ripe.

“Here you take her.”

“Ooooh no! As you said when it comes to the ladies, you have got it, and her.” Illya let loose one of his rare smiles.

“But you’re the one with the sibling experience ...Illya?”

“Sorry you are on your own on this one. I will supervise but you will do the actual changing. Just be thankful she is not a he.”

“Why?”

Illya chuckled.”Boys are known to sometimes urinate while being changed so you must never stand in front of them; stand instead to the side, otherwise you will be…”

“I get it. Well what is it that Maurice Chevalier said? Napoleon began to sing, in his usual off-key style.

“Thank heavens for little girls, for little girls get bigger every day! Thank heaven for little girls, they grow up in the most delightful way!Those little eyes so helpless and appealing one day will flash and send you crashin' thru the ceilin' Thank heaven for little girls thank heaven for them all, no matter where no matter who for without them, what would little boys do?”

“If you keep singing, I think she will start crying again,” Kuryakin playfully warned.

“Sometimes you can be cruel Illya.”

“Cruel is what you are doing to my hearing.” Illya abandoned his partner, disappearing to the kitchen to prepare the baby’s formula.

After gagging a few times, Napoleon steeled himself for the task at hand.

“No, you can do this Solo. You’ve taken down megalomaniacs trying to destroy the world with horrific chemical concoctions.” He chuckled to himself thinking here he was a superspy letting a little girl’s dirty diaper get to him.

The deed was finally done, making Napoleon Solo a bit proud of himself.

Once the little bundle of pink was changed and fed, she was put to sleep in her stroller. Both men flopped on the sofa, tired out from their babysitting duties thus far, even though it had only been a few hours.

“Man I don’t know how women manage this, especially the ones who have a career and children. Well this could have been worse I suppose, as far as punishments go,” Napoleon yawned.

His comment fell on deaf ears as Kuryakin was sound asleep.

Comments

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Well it was an evil penance more for Napoleon, than Illya. I think his punishment was having to put up with Solo during this brief babysitting affair.

Wow your dad hates that song? Surprising as most dads are very sentimental about their little girls. Though the Chevalier version isn't exactly what I call an enjoyable rendition.

Thanks for the comment and very happy you liked the story.