I Spy - Short Affair Challenge, 27/07/2015

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Prompts - White, Traffic


I Spy

“I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'S'.”

“Napoleon, you do remember that I previously worked for KGB?”

“You ever notice that you only ever drop the definite article when referring to the KGB?”

“KGB is KGB.”

“I think I could ponder that statement for hours. Also, the KGB does not begin with 's' in any language.”

“I am aware of that. My point was, I know of many, many ways to kill you and dispose of your body so that no one would ever be aware.”

“Mmm hmm. But do you know something beginning with 'S'?”

“Snow. It has been snow for the past six hours. It is going to continue to be snow for as long as we are stuck in this traffic.”

“Wrong.”

“Wrong?”

“Wrong.”

“There is nothing else out there. I can see nothing but white and, vaguely, the car in front. Unless that is a mirage.”

“At this stage, that's entirely possible. So. As I was saying. I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'S'.”

“I do not see why you are punishing me. I am neither responsible for the weather, nor for our current predicament.”

“You know, I didn't want to go to Wisconsin in the first place. And when I saw the weather forecast, I wanted to go even less. But I figured since I was bringing my own self-professed cold-weather survival expert, there wouldn't be a problem. And this morning, my cold-weather survival expert said we would be able to drive to Marinette in this blizzard with no problems.”

“Cold weather survival expert. Are you surviving?”

“I'm not happy.”

“That's hardly the same thing. And were it not for me, we would not have the thermos of coffee or the sandwiches, and you would be even less happy.”

“And I'd be more happy if the coffee contained cream and sugar.”

“If you wanted it made to your standards, you should have made it yourself.”

“A little consideration is all I ask.”

“We have known each other far too long for consideration.”

“This is how marriages break down.”

“We should have been able to drive to Marinette with no problems.”

“Right.”

“I could have walked it in this time.”

“If you want to get out and try it, partner, be my guest.”

“The traffic has not moved for over two hours now.”

“Oh, really? I hadn't noticed.”

“Sarcasm ill suits you. I was just trying to suggest that either there is an accident somewhere ahead of us, or else your countrymen handle bad weather incredibly poorly.”

“This is Wisconsin. I think they're used to it. Something beginning with 'S' that is not snow. And before you remind me of your KGB past again, let me remind you, pal, I was CIA and I know plenty of ways to kill you too.”

“Does it disturb you that we are recreating the cold war in miniature in a Dodge pick up truck?”

“Why? Did you want a classier venue?”

“At the very least, a warmer one. Speedometer.”

“Oh, so now you decide to play? No.”

“...”

“So how would you do it?”

“Do what?”

“How would you kill me and dispose of the body?”

“Napoleon, I have never found you that irritating.”

“Just suppose.”

“Well, assuming I did not have to worry about the wrath of Mr Waverly - “

“ - oh, heaven forfend - “

“ - I suppose I would keep it simple. A quick blow to the head to induce unconsciousness, and then I would put your body in the trunk of the car and drive back to that lake we passed a mile or so back. It would be easy enough to weaken the ice and then push the car out onto it. In this weather, after the car had sunk, the ice would freeze over again very quickly. Assuming the lake is deep enough, even when summer comes, no one would ever find you.”

“And then you're left out here without a car?”

“There is a traffic jam. It would be easy enough to hitch a ride on the pretext of having suffered a breakdown. Of course, I suppose I would still find it impossible to get anywhere....why? How would you kill me?”

“I suppose I'd just shoot you.”

“Hardly subtle.”

“Well, that depends. The way I see it, I spend so much time in your company that opportunities to kill you crop up all the time. And you trust me, so it would, after all, be easy. So if I was going to kill you, I'd do so from a distance, so no one would suspect me. A sniper rifle, from the roof of the building opposite yours. I would have the perfect shot of the entrance to your building. All I would have to do is wait for you to walk out in the morning and then take my shot.”

“I...find the amount of thought you've put into this disturbing.”

“...”

“Napoleon...have you ever killed a friend?”

“...”

“...”

“I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'S'.”

“Napoleon...”

“I don't begin with 'S'. And anyway, I can't see myself.”

“I am sorry. That was tactless.”

“Right.”

“You know I've... Блин. I understand.”

“I know.”

“...”

“...”

“Sky.”

“We can't see the sky. It's just white.”

“It's there somewhere.”

“I don't think you've quite grasped the rules here.”

“Steering wheel.”

“That's two words. The conventions of the game dictate that I would have had to say 'SW' for steering wheel to count.”

“Game? I thought this was a time honoured ritual to annoy your fellow travellers.”

“Well, it's that too.”

“Cigarette lighter.”

“Now I know you're messing with me.”

“Perhaps....ah. The car in front is moving at last.”

“Good. Maybe we'll get to Marinette before nightfall.”

“When we do, I'll buy you a coffee. With cream and sugar.”

“Good. Illya? Let's....just try hard not to have to kill each other.”

“Oh, the small demands of friendship.”

“Illya....”

“I know. Of course.”

Comments

[yumyumpm.livejournal.com]

Wonderful dialogue. So them.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Glad you like it.