section7mfu | Sweet Suite - Short Affair

Prompts – Nibble/Crimson
Word Count (Approx.) - 502

“You really didn’t need to come with me,” Illya protested, for what was probably the twentieth time. “I’m fairly certain I am able to by a couch on my own.”

“As I’ve already told you,” replied Napoleon, as the two men entered the large furniture store. “I know the guy that owns this place.”

They were greeted just inside the entrance by a crimson suited Stanley Crabbe, who pulled Napoleon into a tight embrace. The move caused an eyebrow to rise slightly on Illya’s face.

“It’s great to see you Napoleon,” Stanley enthused, shifting from the hug to a warm handshake. “It must be, what . . .?”

“Three weeks, Stan,” Solo told him, with a laugh. “At Johnny’s wedding.”

“Oh yeah,” said Stan, as the memory came back. “To be honest, I was already tight when I got there. Anyway, have you started adopting strays?”

Napoleon looked to his partner, who had wandered off. He was wearing his usual black and his hair seemed a little scruffier than usual.

“That’s my colleague, Illya. He needs a new couch.”

Stanley narrowed his eyes and was suddenly on edge. “A Russian?” he asked.

“Yes, but you needn’t worry.”

“Okay Pal, if you trust him, then so do I. Feel free to look around. We’ve just opened a new novelty department at the back.”

For the next thirty minutes, they inspected every couch they found, with Illya finding fault with every single one. If it wasn’t the colour, it was the size, or the cost. As they stepped through to the novelty department, both men audibly gasped. There were several couches, and each one was a large representation on some sort of confectionary. There were a few which looked like chocolate bars, some which were stylised cookies, and many which appeared to be very large cakes. The one which really caught their attention was a hideous version of a cake. The upholstery was pink leather, to look like icing, but it was the pouf which really riveted them. It pulled out from the main body of the couch as though someone had cut a slice.

“What do you think?” Napoleon asked, not daring to meet his partner’s eye. “You could almost break a bit off and nibble on it.”

“I think,” Illya started, eventually. “That the ones we’ve already seen suddenly don’t seem so bad.”

After the shock of the novelty couches, Illya was able to choose a standard one he could live with. He decided on a large brown leather one which would fit nicely in his apartment.

“You’ve made an excellent choice,” Stanley told him. “And as well as free delivery, I can offer you a seventy-five percent discount.”

“Seventy-five?” Illya queried. “I am grateful for your friends and family rate, but that seems somewhat excessive.”

“This isn’t the friends and family rate,” Stan explained. “This is the ‘friends of the man who saved my life in Korea, three times, rate’.”

“He’s good at that,” Kuryakin replied, leaving Stanley to wonder what he meant.