"Something rather revealing" For the PicFic challenge

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

The prompt:

Napoleon felt miserable, his head was pounding. He just had to have one more scotch last night, well actually this morning as the drinking session had gone on into the wee hours of the morning.

This was the mother of all hangovers.

Why he'd gone drinking with Miles Farnsworth, a visiting agent from London, he had no idea.

He matched the man drink for drink...the Brit was pounding back gin, but the American found out well after the fact that it was apparently like mother’s milk to the man.

As he sat in his office, Napoleon spied sitting atop Illya’s desk, a tin of Bayer aspirin and he figured what the heck. The Russian never took pills unless he was forced to, so he wouldn’t miss them. They were supposed to carry aspirin in their travel kits and the Russian probably had them to replace what had been lost on their last assignment.

Napoleon had his own stash in his suitcase in the closet, but why go digging there when these were right out in the open, ripe for the picking, so to speak.

Solo helped himself and filling a paper cup from their water cooler; he quickly swallowed a couple of the white tablets.

He waited for them to kick in, but instead of feeling better, Napoleon’s condition seemed to worsen. Maybe it wasn’t a hangover, maybe he was coming down with something?

Queasiness in his stomach gave way to outright nausea and he laid his head down on his desk, thinking to close his eyes and rest.

A short while later the pneumatic doors opened with a whoosh and in walked Kuryakin, his nose buried in a file folder as usual.

“Napoleon, there is an formula with which Research and Development is going to begin its trials. Though I have my doubts it will work.  How to manipulate the molecules that make up the human body seems like a scientific impossibility to me.”

Solo groaned his response. “What are you going on about now?”

“I said there is a new formula that is going to be tested...I have a sample of it right here as I decided to run my own trials as well.”

Illya picked up the tin and opened it. There was a moment of silence. “Wait, there were a dozen tablets in here and now two are missing?”

“I didn’t think you’d mind sparing a couple of aspirin for my hangover, though I think it’s something more than that; I feel awful. Maybe I'm coming down with something."

Kuryakin finally looked at his partner. “Napoleon? Bozhe moy, did you take those tablets?”

“Illya please tell me they were aspirin?”

“Would that I could my friend but those pills were the samples I was going to test,” he started to chuckle.”Well, I can see they are working, or I should say I cannot see.”

“What’d you mean tovarisch? Please tell me I haven’t turned green or...plaid?”

“Neither. Take a look for yourself in the mirror.”

Napoleon stood, turning to face the small mirror on the wall to the left of his desk.

“Good God?” He gasped in horror. “What did you do to me?”

“Me? I did nothing to you. You were the one who helped yourself to something you should not have.”

“Christ Illya, is this permanent?”

“I would think not, though since it is experimental there is no way to be sure. How long ago did you take the tablets?”

Solo tried to run his fingers through his neatly coiffed hair without success. “It couldn’t have been more forty-five minutes ago.”

“Hmmm, perhaps you need to go down to R&D with me for them to check you out.”

“Looking like this? Not on your life. Illya I’m invisible! What do I do, just stroll through the halls of UNCLE with no head sticking out of the top of my suit?”

“Then remove your clothing and you can simply walk there completely unseen. You will have to follow me as the door sensors will not be able to detect you.”

Napoleon wasn’t too happy at all but it seemed there was no other choice but to do as Illya suggested.

Piece by piece he stripped off his clothing; his partner watching with a rather bemused look on his face.

“This isn’t funny Illya.”

“No it is not, but I was just thinking over the potentialities of this drug allowing us to escape after being captured or just to spy without fear of being seen. The possibilities are boundless.”

“Hmmm yes, like making an exit from a clingy lover’s bed a bit easier,” Napoleon chuckled.

“Napoleon that would not be an approved usage should these tablets pass their trials.”

“Pity,” the American mumbled.

As soon as the last article of clothes was neatly folded and draped over Solo’s desk chair Illya stepped towards the pneumatic doors, and they opened.

“Time to go,” the Russian whispered, “just stay right behind me.”

Illya walked down the hall as if nothing were wrong, when he suddenly heard gasps and giggles. He turned and there stood his partner in the flesh, so to speak.

Kuryakin quickly removed his jacket and tossed it to Napoleon.

“You knew this was going to happen, didn’t you?” He barked.

“How could I? No one told you to take those pills!” Illya began backing away, though he was grinning. “Then again Research and Development did suggest the formula might only be good for less than an hour."

“Illya!” Napoleon shouted as he ran after his partner. He stopped, suddenly realizing certain body parts were dangling in the breeze, forcing him to head back to their office and there quickly dress himself.

His name came over the public address system.

“Napoleon Solo please report to Mr. Waverly’s office. Napoleon Solo please report to Mr. Waverly’s office immediately.”

Solo picked up the receiver to the black house phone on the wall.

“On my way.”

Upon arriving at the conference room, he found his partner waiting there, along with Waverly and several of the people from Research and Development.

Placed on the tray in front of the Old Man was the Bayer Aspirin tin.

“Welcome Mr. Solo, good to see you,” Waverly chuckled.” I heard you had a rather chilly experience a short while ago.” Everyone but Illya snickered.

“Yes sir. I’m sure Mr. Kuryakin has filled you in on what took place.”

“Yes quite.” Waverly tapped his pipe bowl into his crystal ashtray, emptying the spent tobacco.

One of the scientists spoke up.”Mr. Solo, you are the first person to have any positive results from taking the test formula, so we’ll need to run some tests on you.”

“Oh?”

“Yes Mr. Solo, tests,” Waverly repeated. “There is no negotiating in this matter.”

Napoleon pursed his lips, looking accusingly at his partner before accompanying the science geeks back to the R&D labs. There he was poked, prodded, weighed, and had blood drawn multiple times until they finally decided they had their answer.

Apparently the formula worked only because there had been copious amounts of alcohol still in Napoleon’s system.That wouldn’t exactly do in the field, having an agent overindulge in alcoholic beverages in order to make the formula kick in could create a precarious situation. Even though they’d be invisible, they’d be stumbling around drunk….plus the formula just lacked enough stability to make its usage feasible.

Illya walked into Napoleon’s room in R&D, as they kept a medial suite for whatever needs arose.

Solo had just finished buttoning his shirt and looked up to see Kuryakin’s arrival.

“So I hope you’re satisfied? I’ve been turned into a human pincushion and for once not at the hands of T.H.R.U.S.H.”

“Still blaming me I see. Here, perhaps these might cheer you up.”Illya handed a stack of notes to his partner.

“The most recent one was from...let me see, Adrienne in Accounting. She heard you were under the weather and wants to get together to help with your recuperation.”

Solo thumbed through at least two dozen such notes, all indicating offers to make him feel better.

“Well I guess, since there was no harm, then there was no foul,” Napoleon grinned.

“Ahh, then all is forgiven,” Illya humored him, though he knew he was completely without guilt in the matter.

“I suppose so.”

“Thank you for your graciousness,” Illya went along with it.”Oh by the way we leave on assignment for Zurich tonight so you will have to postpone your busy dating calendar.”

“Why you…” Napoleon took a step towards the Russian but Illya took off at a dead run, and was gone even before Solo made it out of his room.

He chuckled. Making Illya run was fun enough...for now.

Comments

[glennagirl.livejournal.com]

Hah... that was very clever, and fun. I did have a suspicion about how long it would take for napoleon to 'show up' again.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Hah, is right! I couldn't help but have NS make his 'reappearance' in an untimely manner. It wouldn't have had the quite the same effect if he hadn't. Poor IK, getting the blame, lol!

Thanks for reading and commenting!

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

A very neat little crossover. Branestawm Kuryakin is sadly neglected. And I'm sure there were rain cheques among the notes.

And it was a bit careless of Napoleon to take the pills.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

hahaha, I'm not quite sure what you're saying about Illya, but glad you liked the story and thanks for taking the time to comment my friend. Purrrs to you and Sam.

[pfrye.livejournal.com]

Napoleon turned up in the nick of time......hehehehe

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Oh you're baaaad. (chuckle) Thanks for commenting again! Appreciate it1

[jantojones.livejournal.com]

*Grin* Poor Napoleon, LOL. Really though, he should know not to trust IK with things like that.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Napoleon brought it on himself, though in all truth he's a spy and being nosy is his business. Not that stealing what he thought was aspirin was being nosy, but just presumptuous I guess.

Glad you enjoyed and thanks for the comment.