section7mfu | The Keys To The Star Affair

This is a stand out story, and it will take a while because it's long. But it is so worth it, and I am so grateful it's preserved on the Way Back Machine along with the other File40 offerings. In case you thought they were lost:
File40
The Keys To The Star Affair by M.H.E. Priest

Here's how it opens:

“Napoleon, do you know how hard it was to shake off that horrid woman? I can’t believe you betrayed me!” Illya Kuryakin snapped angrily over his tightly crossed arms.

"Mr. Kuryakin, please remain calm, or at least still," demanded the nurse ministering to his leg wound. "I can't get it cleaned out properly and bandaged if you continue to move about." She brushed back with the back of her wrist a lock of light brown hair that had fallen onto her forehead. Then, looking into her patient's intense blue eyes, she didn't feel quite as perturbed with him and decided not to scold him so harshly next time he fidgeted.

"Sorry, nurse," Kuryakin replied sheepishly, lowering his head slightly toward her in a gesture of repentance. "I was not aware I had begun moving again." He faced his partner again. Both his anger and agitation swelled, however, when he saw the self-satisfied smirk on his partner's face. "Napoleon! I'm serious! Sophie was…" he searched for the right word in English "…unsufferable!" By now, the nurse had stopped her work and stood, gloved hands on hips, and glared at the two men.

Napoleon Solo, always eager to correct his Russian partner's English, said, "I think you mean 'insufferable', Illya," in his most didactic manner. One arm across his chest and the other vertical so he could touch his lips with his finger and then almost point the words to Illya, he continued, "How was I supposed to know? I hadn't really had a chance to speak with you, she and her father seemed like nice people. When she said you belonged to her, well, I didn't want to cause any sort of international incident by insulting her people's customs. I had no idea she had knifed you and was planning to trade you for a camel." He put on his best innocent expression.

"Napoleon," Kuryakin hissed through gritted teeth, "you will pay for this." He put on his best cold, threatening stare.

Napoleon decided to risk goading his friend more - after all, his leg wound had slowed him a bit, and that nurse was not likely to let him up until she was ready to let him up. "Uh, I'm afraid Mr. Waverly already has. At least it's nice to know you're worth two camels, three horses, other assorted small livestock, and some gold pieces. He is not pleased. You know, this really wrecks the budget for this month. Plus getting yourself hurt - and by a woman, too." He somberly shook his head and cast his dark brown eyes downward.

He almost did not see the pillow coming at him - Illya was that fast. He swiveled so that only the edge of the soft projectile touched him. Solo was thankful nothing hard was within Kuryakin's reach.