Car Pirates - Short Affair 05/09/2016

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Prompt word: parrot
Prompt colour: orange
Wordcount: 510

Car Pirates

“I always wanted to try a life of piracy,” Napoleon remarked, steadying the parrot cage with one hand and firing backwards through the window with the other.

Illya kept his foot down and his eyes on the road. “Traditionally, the life of piracy has involved a lot of time in the sea. You would hate it.”

“On the sea, not in the sea,” Napoleon corrected. “If I was a dashing pirate I'd have no intention of going into the water.”

“You don't have any intention of going into the water now,” Illya said, entirely accurately. “It still happens regularly. How many of them are behind us now?”

“Three,” Napoleon told him, glancing back.

“Still?” He gave an irritated huff and swerved wildly to the left, careening down a side street on two wheels.

The parrot gave a loud and indignant squawk, flapping madly against the bars of the cage.

“I don't think it cares for your driving, pal,” Napoleon said grimly.

“I believe it is the cage that is upsetting him,” Illya said seriously. “It is far too small for a bird his size. Dr Leske should be ashamed.”

Napoleon raised an eyebrow. “He's dead,” he felt compelled to point out.

“Nevertheless,” Illya said obscurely.

“There's only two of them now,” Napoleon observed with satisfaction, as one of the cars pursuing them crashed into a column.

The parrot squawked again. “24609X, Agent Blackbird,” it said, peering sternly at Napoleon with its beady orange eyes.

He stilled. “That would be some of the code,” he said, relieved. It would be decidedly embarrassing to have stolen a parrot for nothing. “Did you catch it?”

“Drive the car, memorise the code...what is your contribution to our current endeavour, Napoleon?” Illya demanded crossly.

“I'm holding the parrot,” he explained. “Did you - “

“ - yes,” Illya said, wrenching the steering wheel violently to the right. “Of course.”

Napoleon braced himself against the door, in full sympathy with the screaming parrot. “I still think I would make an excellent pirate.”

“Possession of a parrot does not a pirate make,” Illya said severely.

Huh. He smiled. “Try saying that ten times very, very fast.”

“No. Thank you.”

“Two sugars please Linda,” the parrot intoned dramatically.

“Do you think that's part of the code?” he wondered, frowning.

“Anything is possible. Parrot interrogation is not among my specialities,” Illya said dryly.

“A good agent can adapt to any situation,” he said airily. “I think we've lost them by the way. If you want to slow down a little.”

Illya did so, to the secret relief of both Napoleon and the parrot. “I suppose we should make haste back to headquarters.”

“Yes,” he agreed, brightening. “I was having a very, ah, pleasant conversation with Joanna this morning. I might continue that while you learn to interrogate parrots.”

The parrot wolf-whistled. Loudly.

Illya glanced at both of them and rolled his eyes. “Clearly you are a bad influence on that bird.”

Comments

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

I enjoyed your story quite a bit. It was very canon-esque and felt like was part of an episode on the show. Loved this line, "Parrot interrogation is not among my specialities.” Very IK and was the parrot wolf-whistling at Solo.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you, thats a lovely thing to say.

[jkkitty.livejournal.com]

A wolf whistle--now that is something I would expect Napoleon to teach it.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

It would be teaching it when not to whistle that would be the clever bit! Thanks.

[lindafishes8.livejournal.com]

Parrot interrogation? Can I be in on that, please? Well done.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

I'm sure Illya would welcome any help!

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

Just love this action and voice, and most excellent dialogue from all three. I must quote Parrot interrogation is not among my specialities. Also It would be decidedly embarrassing to have stolen a parrot for nothing.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you. I really din't think this is one of my best, so I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[threecee.livejournal.com]

This was very funny without being silly. You had Napoleon's and Illya's voices right on key.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

A little silly, maybe! Thank you for commenting.

[glennagirl.livejournal.com]

“On the sea, not in the sea,” Napoleon corrected. “If I was a dashing pirate I'd have no intention of going into the water.”
“You don't have any intention of going into the water now,” Illya said, entirely accurately. “It still happens regularly. How many of them are behind us now?”

Ouch! Napoleon does end up in the water quite a lot. That line is brilliant, and the story is a romp... I love it.

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Thank you! So pleased you lked it!

[(Anonymous)]

So funny! As always, you have their voices perfectly, and i love that Napoleon is a bad influence on the parrot. "Parrot interrogation" indeed :-). Well done!

[otherhawk.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you, thats lovely of you.