section7mfu | ABC Affair 2019 - A Is For Alligator

A Is For Are You Outta Your Mind?

To be properly prepared for something like the current situation would have required extensive training, specific tools for the, ahem, trade (so to speak), and a lot more bravado than either Napoleon or Illya were exhibiting at present. While escaping the THRUSH compound from which they had stolen a piece of technology bound for the usual round of attempts at world domination, the UNCLE agents found themselves in a park of some sort with a variety of wildlife and a very large alligator. The location of this menagerie within the grounds of the satrapy was just another in a long list of oddities related to THRUSH.

“I do not wish to do what you are suggesting.” Illya Kuryakin was not a timid man in the face of danger, nor was he inclined to desire to be eaten alive by an alligator that was, by his estimation, twice as long as the combined height of his and his partner’s.

What Napoleon was suggesting was that they run across the the giant creature’s back in order to get to the other side of this swampy situation.

“Illya, we can do it. He won’t be expecting it and…”

“How do you know it’s a he?” Napoleon made a face and attempted to continue.

“Does it matter? Now, here’s what we do…”

“It might. A female is often more aggressive under certain circumstances. For instance, she might have, um… little ones to protect.” Illya’s face betrayed nothing of a humorous nature. He appeared to be serious.

“Little ones, like little baby alligators? You think she might have a nursery under there somewhere?” Now the Russian laughed, actually snorted in derision.

“Of course not under there, don’t be ridiculous.” It was always amazing to Napoleon just how unnecessarily obtuse his friend could be at times.

“Illya, we need to do this. Just take a second and then go.” Napoleon was pretty sure there was a band of THRUSH not far behind, getting closer with each passing minute.

“Oh, so you intend for me to go first?” That was it, they were running out of time.

“Find, I’ll go first and you can hope he, or she, hasn’t caught on by the time your foot touches her…’ Napoleon caught sight of something and leaned in a little closer to examine it.

“Napoleon, what are you doing? Do not …” Illya was stopped short by Napoleon motioning for him to come in closer. Reluctantly he stepped up beside his partner and looked at where Napoleon was pointing.

“It isn’t real. The alligator isn’t real.’ Illya repeated the words once again, only with a sort of zeal mixed with very real relief.

“The alligator isn’t real!” Something in that short discourse made Napoleon smile.

“Good news, eh.”

Suddenly relieved of visions that included being eaten alive by a giant alligator caused both men to practically skip across the back of the concrete creature, landing safely on the other side of the little swampy creek as two eyes broke the surface and watched.