"We're having a heatwave, a tropical heatwave," for the HODOWE CHALLENGE

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

This is what happens when it's hot and you can't sleep at 3 am becaue you've got too much on your mind... it must have subconsciously coincided with the HODOWE CHALLENGE- National Ice Cream Day.

Napoleon listened in the darkness, hearing Illya toss and turn, sometimes moaning.  He was in his own bed in their hotel room and it was a sweltering hot night.

The whirr of an oscillating fan did nothing to make it feel cooler, all it did was circulate the warm, humid air.

The air conditioner had broken down and later in the evening the hotel sent up a bucket of ice and the fan, advising to set the bucket in front of the fan to help cool the room.

It did for a while but now it was just a bucket of water and given there were other guests in the same predicament, the ice maker in the kitchen was overwhelmed and it too went on the fritz, same as the air conditioner.

It wasn’t like the agents would have to suffer this situation much longer as they’d be returning to New York on an evening flight.

Finally Napoleon had enough with Illya’s moaning.

“Are you awake?”

“Of course I’m bloody awake. How the devil can one sleep in this sort of heat?”

“Well I was asleep until your moaning and groaning woke me up.”

“Lucky you.”

“Why don’t you just go take a cold shower Illya?”

“The water is at best lukewarm. There is nothing cold in this place.”

“Well how about the power of positive thinking? Think of snowflakes falling on an ice covered lake. Sleigh bells, the shushing of skis down a pristine white slope. Think of a nice cold bowl of Vichyssoise, or better still a chocolate ice cream sundae.”

Illya moaned even louder.  There was a rustling in the dark, followed by the padding of feet on the floor. 

The bathroom door opened and closed, immediately followed by the light being switched on.

Napoleon could hear water, and it sounded like Illya was running a bath.

Kuryakin exited the bathroom, leaving the door open, allowing the light to shine out into the room.

He went straight to the telephone on the nightstand and picking up the receiver, he requested room service.

“Yes this is Mister Smith in room 107. I would like a large...no very large bowl of chocolate ice cream sent to my room immediately. Yes I know it is three in the morning. The kitchen is closed? Young man, what skill does it take to scoop out ice cream into a bowl?...Good, thank you.”

“I’ll take a bowl of vanilla please,” Solo called out. “Medium will do.”

“And I would like a medium bowl of vanilla ice cream as well...Toppings?” Illya repeated what he’d just been asked.

“Make mine a banana split, no a banana boat with wet walnuts, mixed fruits, bananas, and a light drizzle of chocolate syrup, and a cherry on top,” Napoleon said.

“Yes make the vanilla one…oh you heard. Very good. Fifteen minutes. Thank you very much. Charge it to the room.”

The cold confections arrived as promised, and Illya gave the bellboy, who’d apparently taken care of preparing them, a generous tip.

“Gee, thanks Mister Smith. Enjoy.”

“Yes, we will. Good night.”

Illya ferried Napoleon’s banana split over to him, but headed straight to the bathroom with his chocolate ice cream in hand.

“Wow, that looks good. What are you doing?” Solo asked.

“I am going to lay down in a tub of water while I eat my ice cream and plan to sleep there in the bathtub.”

“Hey don’t fill it up too high, you don’t want to drown.”

Illya flashed his partner one of those cautionary stares.

“Good night Napoleon.”

“Good night Ice Prince.”

“Thank you. I plan to think cold thoughts as you suggested.”

Kuryakin closed the bathroom door after himself, and that as they say was that.

Upon returning to headquarters in New York, they met with Mister Waverly to give their brief verbal report. Their assignment had been a simple one, requiring an overnight stay, that was it.

The Old Man looked at their expenses, which were modest. Though he questioned the charge for room service. 

“Ice cream gentlemen...a banana split. Really?” He sighed, though looking at his best agents he could see they hadn’t slept well; their clothing looked rather rumpled from perspiration, though they were still neat and clean.

”Accounting will call this a frivolous expenditure.”

“You can verify it with the hotel sir, their air conditioner was broken down,” Illya said.

“As was the ice maker,” Napoleon added. “It was the only way we could cool off in the middle of the night.”

“Well, yes...ahem. At least you didn’t wander off, carousing in some bar or a house of ill repute that might have had air conditioning.”

Napoleon flashed his partner one of those ‘why didn’t I think of that’ looks.

“I most certainly will verify that information before I hand these receipts over to accounting.” Waverly smiled. “A good way to keep cool, hmmm, I think I’ll have ice cream with my lunch today at the club."

“Yes sir, a good idea as it is rather warm here today as well,” Illya tugged at his shirt collar.

“Very well gentlemen, you are dismissed. Please change your clothing as I presume you have more here and send what you're wearing for Del Floria to clean and press. Go find a cool place to relax, guest quarters perhaps.” Waverly sent them off with a wave of his hand.

“Thank you sir,” Solo and Kuryakin said in unison before turning and leaving the conference room.

“Napoleon, his authorization to use guest quarters was not carte blanche for you to bring one of the ladies from the secretarial pool up there with you.”

“No I wasn’t planning on asking any of them, that being said, there’s always someone in translations willing to scratch my itch. Have you ever noticed that heat make you horny?”

Illya smiled. Napoleon was right, but he wasn’t going to let him know that.

“Tsk. Do you ever give it a break?”

“No, and don’t roll your eyes at me tovarisch.”

“I was not planning on it. I am however, going to the Commissary for more ice cream.”

“Hey Illya, don’t you ever give it a break?” Solo zinged it back to him.

Kuryakin got the joke immediately, but refused to answer. He merely turned the corner and headed in the opposite direction of his partner.

“To each his own, Napoleon,” he finally said before disappearing from view...

Comments

[hypatia-66.livejournal.com]

Boris has done nothing but lie himself blue in the face about the EU. He has been writing a column for the Daily Telegraph for years in which he has invented a series of absolute lies about EU regulations - a series of Brussels-bashing stories about straight bananas, wrong-size condoms and heaven knows what kind of absurd nonsense. It has all fed into the far-right anti-EU sentiments that have marked a particular British attitude to a hugely important international alliance. (The far right lives in a pink-tinted cloud-cuckoo-land of the so-called golden days of Empire).
Boris is very entertaining, but who wants to be governed by a clown?
Sorry - rant over.

I shall probably take my umbrella out tomorrow to avoid sunstroke.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

No problem with the rant. We all need to do it sometimes. I tend to avoid the area of politics as a topic of discussion here as I'm surrounded by a lot of people who are just in love with some of the newest members of Congress. That's as much as I'll say.

Keep cool! Put a big bowl of ice in front of a fan to help cool the air, as you probably don't have an air conditioner.

[hypatia-66.livejournal.com]

Haven't got a fan either...
We keep all the windows and shutters closed and curtains drawn. That works quite well till the weather cools and then the house feels like a furnace.
If it's too hot to sleep I place wet face cloths on strategic parts of my skin. The trouble is, one's liable to wake up when they've become red hot. A bit counterproductive.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

I have room darkening curtains to help curtail the heat as I get direct sun almost all day.

Here's a link for something that might help:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/JML-Arctic-Air-Portable-humidifier/dp/B079Y71MDJ

It's to the Arctic Air cooler. I have one and it definitely works, though it's better if used in a smaller room. Place it on your night stand and it will make sleeping easier.

I got one because the air conditioner in my car wasn't working and I was able to use an adaptor to plug it into the lighter outlet.

[hypatia-66.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the link. We shall have to get something of the sort if summers are going to continue like this. The trouble is, using air-con, and electricity generally, to cool ourselves ironically adds to sources of global warming.

It was a good storm, just after 3am this morning - very noisy, amazing flashes of lightning, and lots of rain.