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section7mfu
Napoleon was breathing hard as he ran among a stand of palm trees in the what he hoped was in the direction of the beach.
He and Illya were, as usual, running for their lives from a band of pursuers.
“Weren’t we in this same situation seven years ago Illya?”
“Oh you are referring to the time we... correction, you were nearly married off to a Polynesian chief’s daughter and we were running from them while dressed in only grass skirts?”
“Yep that pretty much sums it up tovarisch,”Napoleon huffed. “Except there’s one stark difference this time.”
“If you are referring to the fact that we are completely naked; I thought I wouldn’t bother mentioning it as it was so obvious.”
Finally the agents stopped to catch their breath. The beating of native drums continued just like seven years ago, but this time they sounded in the distance.
“I think we’ve gotten away from them Illya.”
“Napoleon we are on an island so there is no place we can go where they can not find us. It think we will end up running in nothing but a circle until they finally catch up with us.”
“Well this time it’s your fault tovarisch and not mine,” Napoleon leaned forward, his hands on his knees just to steady himself. “Another fine mess you’ve gotten us into Stanley.”
It was Illya’s turn to click his tongue. “Stop the Stanley nonsense. I did nothing wrong. It was the Chieftain's daughter who took a fancy to me and I rebuked her advances.”
“And that pissed her off, you know the saying ‘hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”
“So I should have just had sex with her then?”
“Yeah why not? We wouldn’t be in this mess if you had.”
“Napoleon I am not an animal in rut. I make love to a woman once I have gotten to know her, in part to make sure she is not some raving maniac. In this case it did not take long for me to discover that is the case with the chief’s daughter.”
“Tsk. You know sometimes you can be a prude and a pain in the ass,” Napoleon jabbed.
Illya ignored the insult as his eyes glanced upwards.
“Look, it is the tree where I stashed the backpack.”
“Good, then shimmy your Russian ass up there and get it,” Napoleon snorted.
He watched as his partner climbed the tree like a little monkey and as he reached the backpack, he tossed it down to Solo.
Illya came down quickly, landing in the sand with a thud.
Solo opened the pack, pulling out two backup pistols, and an extra communicator. Binoculars and a compass were the only things left in there and at the moment were quite useless.
They switched the magazines in their guns to sleep darts, nine shots each, though there were more restless natives than that. They couldn’t use live ammo, not in this situation.
At this point, Napoleon knew the chieftain would probably want to marry off his daughter to Illya, perhaps to get rid of her. He also knew her cousin had been eyeing him as well, so there might be another marriage ceremony in the makings. He cringed at that thought.
He and Illya had been stripped of their clothing and confined to a hut, keeping them prisoner there, but it didn't last for long.The agents were able to easily escaped but an old woman spotted them, and shrieked the alarm with a high pitched voice.
The submarine that had brought them to the island for negotiations with the locals, wasn’t due back for two days, so they needed help and fast.
“I hope we don’t have to use these,” Napoleon said as he shoved the magazine into the grip of his Special. He then opened his communicator, quickly assembling it.
“Overseas relay- this is Napoleon Solo, we are in need of an emergency extraction. A
helicopter please, triangulate these coordinates.”
“Roger that Mister Solo. Your chopper will be there within fifteen minutes. I’m contacting the U.S. Navy for assistance as the U.S.S. Intrepid is in your area.”
“Tell the captain I’ll owe him a bottle of scotch. Oh and ask him if we could borrow two pairs of pants, shirts and shoes?
“Sir?”
“It’s a long story…Solo out.” Wow, we get to go onto the Intrepid; you know it launches the jets that support U.S. ground forces in Vietnam and its helicopters recovered NASA astronauts.”
“I do not care if it is Old Ironsides as long as it send a helicopter to us and quickly,” Illya grumbled. “I have no wish to be intimate with that woman, or married to her for that matter.”
“Now you know how I felt seven years ago.”*
The chopper arrived, hovering over the beach as the agents waved their arms, flagging them down.
The men had wrapped banana leaves around their waists to cover themselves, but as they boarded hilo they were greeted with cat calls and whoops.
“Sorry sir,” an Ensign replied as he handed them the requested clothing.
Napoleon and Illya quickly dressed in the khaki garments provided to them; luckily several pairs of shoes were brought, so everything managed to fit.
As the helicopter lifted into the air, they saw the chief, his daughter and their people rush the strand, all waving their arms, beckoning the agents to come back.
“Well tovarisch, I think you broke that girl’s heart.”
“She will live,” Illya crossed his arms in front of his chest and closed his eyes.
* ref to "The Aloha Affair"
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Date: 2019-08-28 01:45 am (UTC)Yeah, naked Illya and Napoleon....Mmmmmmmm. :D