Of Salary and Taxes

[alynwa.livejournal.com]

Illya opened his apartment door to Napoleon who was standing there suitcase in hand. “Come in, Napoleon. I will be ready in a few minutes. We need to stop at HQ before we go to the airport.”

“Why, what are you doing?” the American asked as he put his valise down and followed his partner to his kitchen table.

“I am already packed to go, but I decided to put all my documents together so that Accounting can do my taxes while we are gone.*”

“You mean I actually got my paperwork to Melania before you did? I’m shocked!”

Illya shrugged, “Miracles happen. I will be right back; there are some papers I need in my bedroom.”

Napoleon sat at the table and being naturally curious, began to peruse the forms the Russian had already assembled. The first one piqued his interest, the second one caused his jaw to drop and each one thereafter caused even more surprise.

“Can I help you find something?” Illya growled as he came into view. “Why are you being so nosy?”

Napoleon had the good manners to be embarrassed. “Sorry, it’s my nature. I’m a spy, after all.” He handed the papers to his partner and watched him as he put them into a manila folder.

Illya could feel his partner’s eyes upon him as he placed the folder into his briefcase. “What is it?”

“How do you have so much money? Shares of IBM and AT&T? CDs? Illya, you’re quite well off! I had no idea.”

Illya’s eyes widened and his first reaction was to become miffed, but he quickly calmed down and shook his head. “You really do not have any boundaries when it comes to me, do you?” he laughed in spite of himself. “When Mr. Waverly struck the deal with the KGB for me to essentially be hired by UNCLE, there were quite a few conditions that both sides wanted. One of the biggest bones of contention was my salary. My superiors were astounded by what they considered the exorbitant pay UNCLE agents receive. They said it was far too much, I would not know what to do with all that money and demanded that UNCLE pay the KGB my salary and they would issue me a stipend. Mr. Waverly said that simply was not going to happen.”

“I never knew that! So what happened?”

“Mr. Waverly got his way, as usual. When I first arrived in New York, he had me sit down with Accounting and Human Resources staff who gave me a crash course in banking, saving and investing.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I followed their advice. I am used to living frugally, so it is easy for me to save and invest money. I would have more if you paid me what you owe me.”

Ignoring the dig, Napoleon marveled, “You’re building yourself a nice little nest egg, Tovarisch. I’d better continue to be nice to you; I might need someone to take care of me in my old age.”

Pulling on his coat Illya opined, “The other week when I stayed at your place, I watched a cartoon about a grasshopper and an ant. All summer long, the ant worked hard gathering food and firewood for the winter while the grasshopper played in the warmth of the sun. When winter came, the ant was warm, well – fed and comfortable while the grasshopper was freezing to death in a snowstorm.”

“I’ve seen that cartoon, Partner Mine and as I recall, the grasshopper came knocking on the ant’s door looking for food and shelter and the ant brought him inside to stay.”

Stepping out onto the street, the two men walked to Napoleon’s car and got in for the drive to Headquarters. “So you are telling me, Grasshopper,” Illya replied drolly as he settled into the seat, “that I can expect to see a gray – haired ex – spy at my door seeking entrance forty years from now?”

Napoleon smiled as he steered through Manhattan traffic. “Of course not, I’m Aunt Amy’s primary heir; I’ll be fine. I’m saying, Ant, that if I had a reversal of fortune, I know I could come to you and not be turned away.”

Illya flashed a big smile. “Oh, you know that, do you? You are very sure of yourself.”

“I am very sure of our friendship. I don’t hear you telling me to take a hike.”

Illya turned to watch the store windows glide by. “Blockhead.”

*ref. “The Tax Day Cometh”

Comments

[laurose8.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this very nice fic. Good for Waverly for helping his new agent.

I do like the grasshopper and ant analogy. And Napoleon finding he'd turned in the papare work first was good, too.

[alynwa.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I remember watching that cartoon as a child; it was one of my favorites.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Ah yes the ant took the grasshopper in and then the liberals came and told the ant he had to share everything, and eventually the ant lost his home and everthing he saved was frittered away by the grasshopper and his friends and then they were all out in the cold snow and no one had anything... :D

Excellent story my friend.. Illya got in the last word didn't he?

[alynwa.livejournal.com]

LOL, that's terrible! You never saw that cartoon? I think it was a half hour one that would air every once in awhile. It was one of my favorite bug cartoons along with the one about a group of insects led by a grasshopper who sounded a lot like Jimmy Stewart, searching for the Promised Land basically and found it by climbing a skyscraper and discovering a penthouse garden.

Illya knew Napoleon was right, so he had to get the last word in. Glad you liked it. I had the thought of saying something about their salaries rolling around in my head. I contend that they were very well paid plus had their living expenses covered.

[mrua7.livejournal.com]

Hee hee, I remember the cartoon vividly and was quoting from an actual story that appeared in the last 10 years or so. It was good that you didn't bring salaries into it.

[alynwa.livejournal.com]

I deliberately didn't name a figure because I want people to fill it in themselves.

[reapermum.livejournal.com]

I like that and I can quite see it happening. All agents transfering from one country to another will need a talk on the local tax laws and banking system. Though I can't see Illya putting much into shares, too easy to have confiscated. I think he will also have a stash or two of precious stones, industrial diamonds and gold bullion.

[alynwa.livejournal.com]

I kept it kind of vague for just that purpose: People can decide what it is besides cash, certificates of deposit and blue chip stock that helps make him well off. I also believe that Napoleon may run through his discretionary income quickly so that he borrows from Illya, but he also saves and invests his money. He is not just waiting for Aunt Amy to kick the bucket, LOL!

Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment.

[reapermum.livejournal.com]

I agree, I don't think Napoleon sponges off Illya. I don't know what banking was like in NY in those days.

Here in the UK if your salary was paid into a bank then you had to go into a specific branch which held your account and draw out enough cash to last for the week. There was no putting it on the plastic, so I can see Napoleon taking a girl out for a date and spending a little more than he had budgeted for that week.

So I can easily see him asking Illya to cover his coffee or lunch bill in the canteen until he can get to the bank.

[alynwa.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Both men are very well paid, but Napoleon's hobby is women and that's quite expensive.

I was a kid, but I remember that credit cards in the early 60s was a very new thing, so much so that banks used to mail them to people unsolicited and if you wanted it, you just signed it and started using it. So both men were "cash & carry" men which, of course, was better for them as it left no paper trail.

[lindafishes8.livejournal.com]

Loved this!!! Banter between the boys is always my favorite part of these stories. Good Job!!!

[alynwa.livejournal.com]

So glad you enjoyed this, thank you. And again, welcome to the site!